


First Time Here?

by CrossingInStyle



Category: Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: But then it got a smutty smutty second chapter, Demisexual!Jamie, F/M, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Smut, Started off as an innocent one-shot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2019-10-05 00:09:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17314406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrossingInStyle/pseuds/CrossingInStyle
Summary: Inspired by that one tweet I saw posted on Tumblr, the one that says;"Shoutout to my bartender. I've been here on dates with 4 different dudes in the last 6 months and he hits me with "Ma'am, is this your first time here? every time. #GoodLookinOutMyMan"Or, the one where Jamie is a bartender and Claire is a long-time customer who keeps bringing in disappointing dates in the months after dumping Frank.





	1. Not the First Time

**Author's Note:**

> So I saw that tweet and I just couldn't get it out of my head until I wrote this, lol. It's just a quick two-shot, enjoy!

“Nice place,” Garret said, looking around the dimly lit pub.

“Yeah,” I agreed, trying to look at the mahogany furniture, the tartan wall tapestries, and hear the soft plucking of guitar from the eyes of someone who’d never seen it before. But I was very familiar with Fraser’s Ridge…especially of late.

“Kind of kitschy though,” he said, and I bit back a retort of defense.

It had been like a second home in college, my friends and I had relied on it for a late-night greasy burger on school nights, and cheap beer and whiskey shots on the weekend. And when Frank and I had started dating, it had more or less become _our_ place.

But after four years of dating, and an additional three years of engagement, I discovered that Professor Frank Randall was providing study help with a certain buxom, blonde student named _Sandy_ that didn’t end with flash cards.

Maybe I shouldn’t have relied on my best friend Joe’s advice, which had been to get off the sofa, put away the ice cream, and get back out there and date. Date as much and as frequently as possible. And if those dates ended with a good shag, all the better.

Well, none of my dates so far in the four months since I’d gotten back in the proverbial saddle had ended up in my bedroom, but I had been rather hopeful that maybe Garrett would be the lucky one.

He was tall, handsome, and since we met at the gym I’d seen him shirtless and found the sight _very_ pleasing.

But the way he was sticking his nose up at the pub was making me start to wonder if he wasn’t a bit stuck up himself.

Meanwhile, my other friend, Louise, had advised me against continuing to bring my dates to the pub.

“They’ll know you’re a regular,” she had said. “Someone is bound to ask about the _other_ guy you took there _last_ week. Not to mention it was where you and Frank used to frequent.”

But the pub was where I felt most comfortable, had been long before Frank, and I wasn’t _about_ to let him take it away from me.

And besides, I had an unspoken arrangement with the owner and bartender, Jamie Fraser.

“First time here, lass?” he said, appearing on the opposite side of the bar, wiping a glass.

“Yeah, for the both of us!” I said cheerfully. “What do you recommend?”

“Our cheeseburgers can’t be beat,” he said, simply offering my favorite item on the menu.

“Sounds good to me,” I said. “And a whiskey, please.”

“Same for you?” Jamie asked Garrett, a little less cordially than he had spoken to me.

“God no,” Garrett wrinkled his nose and quirked a grin at me. “You think I got abs like _this_ eating red meat? What vegetarian options do you have, mate?”

Jamie narrowed his eyes at my date, looking like he was just barely managing not to roll them. “Weel, ye can have a cheeseburger…minus the cheese and burger.”

“I’ll just have a wine spritzer,” Garrett said impatiently.

Jamie froze, his rag and glass hanging limply in his hands as he just stared at Garrett in disgust. His gaze slowly drifted to me, and I fixed my own eyes on a water ring on the bar instead.

“I’ll…just get those started for ye,” Jamie said quietly, and I looked up in time to see the bastard’s shoulders shaking as he walked away.

“Weirdo,” Garrett muttered before beginning to regale me on the amount of weight he was able to bench press.

Jamie returned a few minutes later with our drinks. One wine spritzer, and one whiskey – two fingers, a splash of water, exactly how I took it.

He gave me a quick searching look, then one of his characteristic “winks” which amounted to him just blinking with both eyes like a sleepy owl, before walking away again.

“Can you believe that guy?” Garrett said once Jamie was out of earshot. “Here you are on a date and he’s checking you out.”

“He is not,” I laughed. “He’s just being a good bartender.”

Garrett snorted. “Yeah. Sure. How much you think he lifts?”

I glanced over at Jamie, at where his biceps bulged under his rolled up sleeves. “How would I know?” but I _did_ know that while he spent his nights working at the pub, he spent his mornings at his family’s farm, breaking horses, hauling hay barrels, carrying calves. I imagined he could probably lift twice what Garrett could, only in the form of bags of feed.

When I’d been in college, Fraser’s Ridge had been run by Jamie’s father and godfather. I had the fondest memories of Brian and Murtagh bickering behind the bar, teaching a teenaged Jamie how to mix drinks.

When Brian died, Jamie took over his father’s share of it, and the family farm had been left to Jamie’s sister and her husband.

Because I knew all of this, I knew Jamie hardly had time to frequent the gym.

The date never really looked up after that. All Garrett would talk about was exercising and clean eating, and he stared in disgust at my burger.

All of that didn’t stop him, however, from asking to come back my place.

“Um, no thanks,” I said, trying to remain polite about it. “I think I’m going to just call it a night.”

Garrett’s brow furrowed. “The hell you mean? I thought we had an understanding here.”

“Understanding?” I asked. “And just what does _that_ mean?”

He scoffed. “Come on, you hit on me at the gym, flashing your low-cut tank top, invite me to a bar you admit is down the block from your apartment. I buy you some drinks and a burger. What am I _supposed_ to expect?”

I straightened up on the stool, glaring at him. “You’re supposed to _expect_ to have a nice evening of getting to know me. That’s _all_ you get to expect. As for the drinks and burger, thanks, but I can pay for my own.”

“Don’t be a bitch!” he snapped, catching the sight of a shadow appearing over the bar beside him.

Jamie stood there, large and forbidding. “Everything alright here?” he asked, his voice calm and polite, while his eyes were anything but.

“Could I get another drink?” I asked quietly, resignedly. It was our code. If the night was over, but I had no intention of leaving the bar with my date, I’d ask for another drink. Jamie knew that to mean my date needed shown to the door.

“Aye lass, right away,” Jamie said, eyes never leaving Garrett. “ _You_ can settle your tab wi’ Murtagh over there, _sir_. And it _will_ include th’ burger and whiskey.”

Garrett leapt to his feet, chest puffed out. “Like hell it will.”

Jamie slowly came around the bar to our side. What I don’t think Garrett realized was that there was a step there that brought Jamie up to his true height, which…even though Garrett was tall…Jamie had almost a whole head on him.

Garrett snorted and backed down, heading for the register where Murtagh was standing, glaring as forebodingly as his godson.

I sighed in relief once Garrett was gone, and slumped against the side of the bar. And here I’d gone and bought a brand new little black dress for _this_. Jamie sat down on Garrett’s vacated stool and eyed my sympathetically.

“Are ye alright, Sassenach?”

“I’m fine,” I said. “Just…” I groaned. “Tired.”

“Well I must say, I didn’t think I’d _ever_ see a date of yours I like even less than Frank, but that one came close.”

I chuckled. “Oh come off it, you didn’t dislike Frank when I was dating him. You only hate him because of why I do.”

Jamie wrinkled his nose, but it was considerably cuter than when Garrett did it. “Och, no. I only put up wi’ the bastard for your sake.”

I laughed and shoved at his shoulder. “Well you might have said something sooner! Maybe I would have dumped him before he had the chance to cheat on me.”

“If I’d known ye would have listened to your bartender, I would have!”

I smiled in thanks at Murtagh, who set two glasses of whiskey before us. “Come on, Jamie, everyone knows there’s no one in the world you can trust more than your bartender. Besides, you’ve known me forever.”

“Aye, I have,” he said softly, and I looked over at him puzzledly, wondering at that tone.

He shook it off though and straightened, taking a sip of whiskey. “How many is that, anyway?”

“How many drinks or how many guys?” I clarified, and he gave me a teasing look.

“I ken exactly how many drink’s ye’ve had, Sassenach.”

 I rolled my eyes up to the ceiling. “That’s…oh God… _six_! Six different first dates in four months…and no second ones. What’s _wrong_ with me, Jamie?”

“Not a _thing_ ,” he said firmly. “You’re intelligent, witty, no’ to mention gorgeous.”

My eyebrows raised in surprise. In all the years Jamie and I had been friends, he’d never showered me with compliments like this…nor had he ever looked at me that way before.

“Ye may no’ have th’ best taste in men though,” Murtagh muttered as he passed by.

“Be nice, ye auld coot,” Jamie chuckled.

“He has a point,” I admitted. “But I’m done. I am _swearing_ off of men. I’ve lasted this long with only my vibrator for company, after all.”

Jamie had been mid-sip when I spoke, and he inhaled suddenly, causing him to cough and splutter and turn a marvelous shade of red that matched his hair.

“Christ!” he exclaimed, but whether it was about choking or what I’d said, I didn’t know, but I laughed hysterically either way.

“You’re so easy to fluster!” I cried, nearly falling off my stool.

He glowered at me, though he face was still pink. “Not as easy as that _other_ guy. What, two, three dates ago? Karen?”

“ _Casey_ ,” I corrected drolly.

“Casey,” Jamie scoffed. “Ye crossed your legs in that wee green skirt of yours and he near went into cardiac arrest.”

I chuckled. “Yeah, he was cute.”

“So why didn’t ye see him again? At least he was a gentleman.”

Shrugging, I re-crossed my legs, and didn’t miss the way the movement drew Jamie’s eyes. “I don’t know. I just didn’t feel any spark with him I guess. Hey wait…you remember what I wore three weeks ago?”

Jamie huffed and shrugged his own shoulders. “Oh…well…I didn’a know for sure. Lucky guess.”

“Sure,” I said, smirking. “So…how are things going with that girl you were seeing?”

“Annalise?” he asked. “Oh…no, we broke up months ago.”

I frowned. “Really? You didn’t tell me. What about that other girl? The one Murtagh said was following you around like…and these are his words…a dog in heat. Leghair?”

Jamie laughed, and my eyes were curiously drawn to the way his jugular moved. “ _Laoghaire?_ Christ no! After trying to let the lass down gently, I later found out that she’d gotten hold of a lock of my hair somehow and made a fucking voodoo doll!”

I laughed along with him, hand over my mouth. “How do you think she got your hair?!”

“Dinna ken…but I think she paid one of my nephews for it.”

I shook my head. “So basically we’re both bad at relationships.”

Jamie frowned in affront. “I’ll have ye know I’m a _verra_ good boyfriend.”

“That so?” I asked, wondering how a man could smell so damned good between working at a farm and a bar.

“Oh aye. If you’re ever in the mood tae find out, just let me know.”

I glanced up at him in surprise, and found him looking away, his fingers tapping nervously on his jean-clad thigh. I reached over and covered his hand with mine, drawing his eyes back to mine.

“And just…what would you do? As my boyfriend?”

“Well…” he began, smiling shyly. “I’d start wi’ taking ye out to a nice dinner. Watching ye eat a burger is a treat tae be sure, but our first date should be different. We could go dancing, then walk through the park.”

“Sounds romantic,” I said. “And I suppose you’d walk me home?”

“Of course I would. Straight to your door, as is proper.”

“And then what?”

His cheek dimpled as he fought down his smile. “Weel, a kiss on th’ first date may no’ be proper, but perhaps if the night has gone well, I might ask if it’s okay.”

I let my hand run over his, delighting in the feel of the calluses on his palm. “And if I say yes?”

“Then I will,” he said quietly. “I’ll try tae make sure it’s one to remember.”

“And then?”

He chuckled. “And then I say goodnight, and that I’ll call ye the next day, only I’ll probably text you that night, since I can hardly wait to talk to ye again.”

“And…what if I ask you inside for coffee?”

Jamie affected a mock scowl. “Now then, lass, I’m no’ that kind o’ man. Ye’ll have to wait until at _least_ the…third date.”

I nodded solemnly. “Quite right. No sense rushing. I suppose the only step now is…to ask me out.”

A hand suddenly slammed down on the bar next to us, making us both jump. Murtagh leaned over, eyes dancing behind his scowl.

“If you two dinna stop your blathering and get out of here, I’m going tae pour a bottle of seltzer on ye.”

“You heard the man,” I said, hopping off my stool and dragging Jamie with me.

“But all th’ restaurants will be closed now,” Jamie pointed out.

“You can still take me on a walk through the park. _Besides_ , how many drinks have you bought me over the years? If you count those as dates, this has been our, what, fiftieth? Don’t you think it’s time to…come over for coffee?”

Jamie’s eyes widened comically, and I used his surprise as distraction so that I could stand on tiptoe and kiss him.

I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t always somewhat wondered what it would be like to kiss Jamie Fraser. And right then the only thought it my mind was…

“Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ why haven’t I done this sooner?”

“My thoughts exactly,” Jamie whispered, and I blushed at the realization that I’d said the words out loud.

We left the pub hand in hand, Murtagh shaking his head at us as we went.


	2. First Times All Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire and Jamie go back to her place after their walk for coffee. ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's right, I've changed the 1/2 to a 1/? lol 
> 
> Due to VERY popular request, I've decided to give these two dorks a couple more chapters! It'll be a mix of flashbacks to their time as friends, and their relationship now. It won't be a 60+ chapter monster though xD
> 
> I am also open to prompts for this verse! You can comment here, or find me over on Tumblr (same username.)
> 
> Thanks for the love! And I hope you enjoy the coffee date!!

I was only a tiny bit lightheaded as we headed out into the park. Well, maybe more than a tiny bit, but I’d had three glasses of whiskey and Jamie poured with a heavy hand.

But more than the alcohol, my head spun with the way everything had changed so quickly.

I liked Jamie. I’d always liked Jamie. I remember being in my early 20s and he an adorable, gangly lad of 17, riotous red curls always a mess, seeming to forever have a smudge of something somewhere on his face, making my friends and I laugh with his exaggerated tales of life on a Highland farm.

I also remember the day he returned after being away at University and Louise and I both had to pick our jaws up off the floor at the sight of the unbelievably handsome man he’d become.

But I’d been with Frank by then, and I suppose I’d just let Jamie settle in my heart as an old, trusted friend, even after my relationship with Frank was over.

Then tonight he began looking at me in a way no friend would look, and it had taken my breath away.

Or…maybe it hadn’t just _begun_. Maybe I’d only just _noticed_.

It hadn’t been easy for me, resigning myself to abstinence after seven years of having a consistent partner, and initially it had seemed like a matter of course that I would take the next willing man to my bed, just to let off some steam if nothing else. But I hadn’t been able to. As much as I enjoyed sex for its own sake, something had been holding me back. I assumed it was trust.

And I trusted Jamie, I trusted him possibly more than any man I’d ever known, except for Uncle Lamb. He’d always been there with a listening ear, always been there with a dangerous glare and ready fists in case they were ever needed to protect me from drunk pub patrons. He made me laugh, he treated me like he valued who I was, not just as a body, like most men.

Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, I’d gone and fallen in love with Jamie Fraser…and I hadn’t even noticed.

“Shh,” Jamie hushed laughingly, interrupting my rousing rendition of _Oops I Did it Again_. “Ye’re a loud drunk, aren’t ye?

“I’m _not_ drunk,” I said primly. “Besides, you tell me all the time that you can’t be drunk if you’re standing up.”

I had to choose that moment to stumble over a stick in the path, and he had to pull me to him to keep me from falling. He quirked an eyebrow at me, and I playfully smacked him, pulling away even though I didn’t particularly want to.

“How long have you liked me?” I asked him suddenly.

Jamie looked up at the sky, as if the answer was written up there somewhere. “Hm, how long have we known each other again?”

I chuckled, but it trailed off when he didn’t, and I realized he was serious. “Wait…really? Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

He snorted. “Weel, in the beginning I didn’a think ye would’ve been all that enamored by havin’ a green whelp lusting after ye, and you a grown woman o’ twenty-one. And by th’ time I came home from University wi’ a few more years, a few more inches, and a few less pimples, you were with Frank.”

That struck me with a rather sad feeling. I’d been happy with Frank for a time, but what might it have been like if Jamie had come home and we’d both been single? Where might we be now? “But Frank and I have been broken up for six months,” I said. “You should know. I _literally_ cried on your shoulder.”

“And what kind o’ man would I have been? Hittin’ on a woman whose heart has just been broken? No, Sassenach, ye mean far more tae me than that.”

I pulled on Jamie’s hand, tugging him to a stop. He turned and looked at me with those impossible blue eyes of his, and there was no way I could keep from kissing him just then.

Jamie threaded his fingers through my hair, tilting my head a little so he could slant his mouth over mine, his tongue slipping past my lips and finding places in my mouth that made my knees weak.

“Get a room!” some guy shouted as he biked past us, and we broke reluctantly apart.

“He has a point,” I said slyly, pulling on his hand again. “Coffee, Jamie?”

His look was warm and soft, and I just kept thinking I’d better get him home _soon_. “Aye,” he said. “I’d verra much like some.”

 

My mouth was on his the moment my door was shut and locked, and my hands on the buttons of his shirt, but when I noticed how stiff he was (and not in the way that was expected at the moment,) I backed off, looking up at him worriedly.

“I’m sorry…did you not want…I mean if you really _do_ just want coffee…”

“No,” he interrupted, his breathing labored. “It’s no’ that, it’s just…are _you_ sure, lass? I dinna want to rush into this and you regret it. If you regretted it tomorrow I…”

He trailed off, and the look on his face right then damn near broke my heart, and I framed his head with my hands, kissing him lightly.

“Truth is, I’ve liked you for a long time, too,” I said. “I just…wasn’t ready to admit it yet, I guess.”

He smiled. “Are ye ready now, Sassenach?”

I kissed him again. “I like you, Jamie. I _really_ like you,” it was far too soon to admit the much more powerful feelings thundering in my chest, but this would have to be enough for now.

“I like you, too,” he whispered, leaning down and taking over the kiss.

_God_ but he was a good kisser.

Before I was even aware that we were moving, my back was being pressed up against my bookcase, causing the books to rattle and a small ceramic apple to tumble off and land with a dull thud on the carpet, cracking in two.

“ _Shit_ ,” Jamie hissed, looking down. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” I chuckled, coaxing him back to me. “I forgot that was even there. It was a gift from Frank…I hid it up there because it was so damned ugly.”

Jamie smirked and kicked at the hideous apple with the side of his foot, swiping the pieces away, then slid his hands behind my back, protecting it from the edges of the bookshelf and lowered his forehead to touch mine.

It was an oddly intimate gesture, innocent though it was, and the pause made me realize that Jamie was shaking.

I made a soothing, shushing sound and ran my hands up his arms and across his chest, feeling the way his heart was about ready to hammer right out of his chest.

“Sorry,” he whispered again. “I…haven’a done this…in a very long time.”

I huffed a wry laugh. “You needn’t apologize. I haven’t either,” I wasn’t going to be specific, but then I thought he might have been politely fishing about my history, and I didn’t blame him, with the revolving door of dates he’d been forced to witness. “Six months. Not since…well, you know.”

Jamie winced, though he was blurry, so close to my face as he was, and I could have sworn he was beginning to blush. “I win,” he muttered through his teeth. “I…Never.”

I was already nodding in understanding before his words registered and I pulled back, squinting at him in shock. “Wait…what? You’re saying you never….

He shrugged self-consciously and leaned away, relaxing his grip on me, like he was expecting me to flee. “Never. I’m a virgin, alright?”

I struggled to close my mouth, and knew I should have just politely let it go, told him that was perfectly fine…because it was…but I found I couldn’t.

“But… _how_?”

He snorted. “What do ye mean, _how_?”

I shook my head. “I’m sorry it’s just… _look_ at you! You must have women beating down your door. In fact I _know_ you do! I’ve seen the way they throw themselves at you at the pub. And men, too, for that matter. I always assumed you had someone new to take home every night.”

“That’s what ye get for assuming,” he sniffed in mock affront. “What? Just because I’m a man I should be whorin’ about, is that it?”

“Oh shut up,” I laughed, swatting at his arm. “All I meant was I certainly wouldn’t have _blamed_ you. You’re a very attractive man.”

“Well, I thank ye,” he said, preening. “But th’ truth is…I just dinna really…” he grimaced and looked away, as if looking for the words to describe it. “It’s hard tae explain, ye ken. But I dinna _feel_ attraction most of th’ time…not…sexually that is. I can look at a woman, and _see_ that she’s beautiful, but I dinna want her. It was mightily difficult at Oxford when all of my mates were discussing their conquests. And I let them foist women on me a couple times, and I tried, but it didn’a work. They uh…they laughed at me.”

“Oh Jamie,” I sighed, rubbing his arms, having an irrational urge to go back in time, take that younger Jamie in my arms and hold him. “I’m so sorry you went through that.”

He chuckled breathily, trying to make light of it. “Doesn’a pain me anymore. Annalise was verra understanding and sweet about it, but eventually it wasn’a enough, and understandably so. I even…well ye ken my friend, John? I even…well…I dated him. Briefly. Because I thought maybe _that_ was my problem. I hope that doesn’a put you off.”

“Of course not!” I assured him. “Although you _do_ know he’s still into you?”

He rolled his eyes. “Oh aye, I know. I feel bad, but he’s good friend. I’ve been trying for years to find him a man worthy of him.”

I had a lot of feelings just then, all warring for dominance. There was fury at the bitches who laughed at him, unbearable tenderness for the sweet man, surprising arousal, and then finally wondering what this meant for right now.

Was he telling me he couldn’t have sex with me? I so desperately wanted to be the woman who could _truly_ handle that, but knowing myself, I was terrified that it wasn’t true.

But then he pressed against me again, and I could feel him, hard against the top of my thigh.

“You can’t help the way you feel,” I said softly. “But I do need you to tell me what that means for right now. Jamie, please, if you don’t want this _please_ don’t try to force yourself for my sake. Or even if you just don’t want this right now. We can just kiss, or cuddle, or whatever you want.”

I looked at his face to find him smirking in amusement. “Oh, _mo cridh_ ,” he sighed. “I’m sorry, I didn’a make myself clear. What I’m trying to explain is I canna feel that sort of attraction wi’out my _heart_ being involved, ye ken? I dinna want to make ye run for the hills by moving too fast, but I have to be honest. I’ve wanted ye since the moment I saw you.”

He pressed his hips against mine again to prove it, and I gasped. It was quite a responsibility to lay on someone’s shoulders, and a bit overwhelming when it registered that Jamie was essentially telling me that I was the _only_ woman he’d ever wanted.

It was a little frightening, but also exciting.

Very exciting.

If I could have devoured him with a kiss I would have, and tried. I didn’t want to overwhelm him, but I couldn’t reign myself in. I clawed at his shirt, desperate to feel his skin. When I finally got it open I raked my nails over his chest and he let out an anguished moan.

“Come on,” I whispered, getting hold of his hands and leading him to my bedroom.

“That’s what I’m worrit about,” he growled, making our journey difficult by remaining plastered to me, not that I was complaining. “I dinna want this to be over too soon.”

I smiled. “Just don’t you worry, lad.”

Once I got him to my room I pushed him to sit on my bed. He landed with a thump and I took a step back to look at him. He looked positively wild, with his shirt hanging open, his hair standing on end, and his pupils blown so wide I could barely make out the blue.

Normally I might have expected a man to take control at this point, but it was a rather heady feeling to know that the in-control person would likely need to be me for the time being. I remembered the night I lost my virginity, worrying constantly that I’d do something embarrassing, and thought Jamie might be feeling that way too.

But mostly he just looked almost painfully turned-on, so I thought we’d probably better keep the foreplay to a minimum or risk the poor man imploding.

I smiled reassuringly at him before turning around and offering my back. For a moment nothing happened, and then he inhaled suddenly, realizing what was being asked of him. I felt him hunt with large fingers for the tiny zipper, then slowly drag the tab down, the sound oddly loud in the otherwise silent room.

Once the zipper was down I felt him run his callused fingers lightly down my spine, causing chills as they went.

I turned around slowly, and kept eye contact as I let the dress slip of my shoulders to fall into a black puddle on the floor.

By necessity owing to the cut of the dress, I hadn’t been wearing a bra underneath, only a simple nude thong. I privately cursed myself for not opting for the lacy black one, or anything more sexy, and I had to admit to myself then that I had never intended to bring my other date home at all.

What had been his name? It felt like years ago…not hours.

But Jamie didn’t seem to notice or care, his eyes were too busy trying to burst out of his head and were focused solely on my breasts.

I’d often wished I’d been endowed with a slightly more generous bust, especially after Frank’s betrayal, considering his new fling had to be at least a double-D cup. But the way Jamie tentatively reached out and touched me, almost reverently, drove that thought far away.

He glanced back up at me from under the curls that were forever hanging in his face, with a downright boyish grin. I took his hands and brought them slowly to my hips, a gentle invitation.

Jamie looked at his hands then back up, and I could see the muscles in his neck work as he gulped, and he hooked his thumbs into my underwear and dragged them down so slowly it was all I could do not to swat his hands away and finish the job myself.

Once I’d stepped out of my clothes and kicked them carelessly away, I paused to let him look, which he did in abundance.

“You’re the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen,” he rasped, and I chuckled and briefly crossed my arms before forcing them back down, feeling ridiculously shy all of a sudden.

“Well, then,” I said, a little surprised by how husky my own voice sounded. “Fair’s fair. Your turn.”

Jamie shrugged out of his shirt before standing up to work on his belt buckle. I watched very contentedly as he quickly divested himself of his jeans and boxers and…oh my.

He was…well… _magnificent_. Broad chest covered in red curls that trailed down past a taut stomach, slim hips, and finally to a part of him that was straining and flushed almost purple. And…well…to be quite truthful…it turned out he was a big man _all_ over.

I decided I wanted a better look, and I circled around him, letting my hand run across his adorable little arse and nipping gently at his shoulder all while he stood rigidly still with his fists clenched. When my hand brushed his hip, his cock twitched, along with the rest of him. I so desperately wanted to touch him, I wanted to do a whole lot more than just touch him, in fact. But I knew he wanted this to last as long as possible, and I wanted that for him.

When I stopped in front of him again, I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought him down for a kiss. He groaned and pulled me tightly to him, so that we touched from head to foot. It was bliss.

I was already resigned to the fact that I likely wouldn’t find satisfaction this time, but to be honest I didn’t care. I’d never in my adult life been _so_ focused on my partner’s pleasure, at the expense of my own. All I cared about was making Jamie’s first time memorable, and I couldn’t have cared less if I came.

But in truth I was so wound up it wouldn’t take much to take me over the edge either.

Without warning, Jamie took me by the shoulders and spun me around, and for a second I thought this was the way he wanted to do it. Just exactly _what_ sort of ideas had he gotten from life on the farm? (Or dating John?)

But then he surprised me by, instead of entering me, snaking his hand down between my legs and making a cry burst out from my lips as he began expertly stroking me, somehow managing to find all the right spots in just seconds.

“Fuck,” I hissed, writhing against him. “Where did you learn _that_?”

He chuckled in my ear, making shivers run down my spine. “I said I’m a virgin…no’ a monk.”

He managed to bring me to the brink of orgasm in an almost embarrassingly short amount of time, but I grabbed at his wrist just before I could fall over the edge, wrenched his hand away and spun around to face him.

Jamie’s look was so heated I could have come just at the sight of it, and he reached down to grab my thighs, picking me up as if I weighed nothing and laying me gently down the bed.

He pulled back for a moment, looking down at me worriedly. “P…protection, I dinna…”

“I’m on the pill,” I told him, and it was a damned good thing too because I had no condoms and even if I _hadn’t_ been on contraception, I was far past the point of caring anymore.

He nodded once, but the look of worry hadn’t left his face. I brushed my fingers along his cheek, and reached up to kiss him. “It’s alright,” I told him. “Don’t hold back, Jamie.”

I reached down and took hold of him, delighting in his low moan, and guided him to me.

Just like that, he snapped, and drove himself into me hard and fast. He filled me and stretched me in the most delicious way, and though his movements were jerky and unpracticed, he somehow managed to hit something inside that I hadn’t even known was _there_.

As fully expected, Jamie was finishing within seconds, spilling himself inside of me as I clutched desperately at him. I was so close myself, so I brought my own hand down to finish the job, coming so hard I saw stars.

He hadn’t pulled out yet, so I was clenching around him, drawing a sharp cry from him that was music to my ears.

I wasn’t even sure how long we laid there, boneless and barely conscious, letting our breathing slow until it seemed to sync up on its own.

His full weight was resting on me, and it was a bit crushing but I couldn’t find the will or energy to ask him to move.

But eventually he must have realized on his own, because he inhaled suddenly and rolled to the side, taking me with him until I was wrapped up securely in his arms.

I looked up at him from under my tangled hair, chuckling at the sight of his dazed expression. “So?” I prompted shyly. “Was it like you thought it would be?”

He huffed a laugh, one that shook his entire frame. “I _thought_ it would feel good. But with you…Christ, I thought my heart would burst,” he paused a moment then looked at me, his brow furrowed. “Was it…did _you_ like it? I ken it wasn’a what you’re surely accustomed to…”

I rolled onto my stomach and rested my hands on his chest, propping my chin up on them. “Didn’t you feel it? When I…”

His eyes widened. “Was that what that was? I wasn’a sure…except that it sure felt amazing tae me.”

“Well let me inform you,” I said. “It’s practically unheard of to make a woman come so fast on a first try like that. You should be very proud.”

He chuckled. “Not proud, but I feel up to a challenge. I’d like tae do better…if I’m given another chance, o’course.”

I laughed, and kissed his chest. “Oh my sweet lad, I’m ready when _you_ are.”

“Oh aye?” he said, intrigued, rolling onto his side so that he could slide a hand down my body. “Right away, then?”

“Mmhm,” I moaned, rolling into him. “But then it feels like you’re not far behind.”

“I’m a twenty-eight-year-old virgin, Sassenach. I have a lot of time tae make up for.”

“Damned right you do. But Jamie…”

“Hmm?” he hummed, his mouth busy on my neck.

“You aren’t a virgin anymore.”

 


	3. Verra Good Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A young Jamie meets a Sassenach, and Claire's friends wonder why she hadn't texted them after her date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we continue! I should have known I wouldn't have been able to leave it as a two shot lol. 
> 
> A couple of you wanted to know how Jamie and Claire met, but of course I couldn't leave you without the morning after as well. ;)

He couldn’t have known until he was older that he’d had a pretty unconventional childhood.

Where most kids’ lives revolved around school, after-school cartoons, and playgrounds, Jamie Fraser’s life had been quite different.

His school had been learning to muck stalls, drive tractors, shoe horses, and birth foals, all by the age of six. (And in between, of course, had been strict reading, math, history, and language lessons sat between his brother, sister, and neighbors, as opposed to the hour-long trip to the nearest schoolhouse.)

Lallybroch hadn’t gotten the gift of cable until his adult years, so little Jamie sought entertainment from playful foals, goats, dogs, and also from generally being a wee shite and pestering his siblings.

And his playground…his playground has been a pub.

Perhaps that was the most unusual of all. How many children spent half their lives in a smoky pub, mastering darts and pool and earning a whole college fund in tips just by delivering food to tipsy ladies and giving them his most charming, cheeky grin?

But he wouldn’t have traded his upbringing for the world. He was brought up in a fun, safe, secure world, sure in the knowledge that we was ever beloved by his parents, siblings, and family.

But much of that sureness and security was destroyed when Jamie was ten, when his mother and big brother were killed in a car accident on their way to the hospital to deliver Jamie’s new baby brother.

Jamie and his sister, Jenny had both been at the pub with their da and their godfather, Murtagh. Jamie’s mam had allowed Willie to drive only the distance to the pub to get da…something thirteen-year-old Willie had done a hundred times…because she was in labor.

It hadn’t been Willie’s fault. No, it was the fault of the tourist who thought he could navigate the mountains just fine after a six-pack of beer. The tourist had lived, but at least Jamie knew that the bastard would have to live his life knowing his choices had taken the life of a woman and two children.

For a while after that, Jamie was lost. Everything he’d known to be so had been altered.

The one thing Jamie had always been most certain about had been that William could do _anything_. He could ride half-wild horses, dive off cliffs into the loch, charm any girl with naught but a wink. And yet he would never leave Jamie behind.

Where many older brothers treated their little brother like the nuisances they were, Willie made sure Jamie was _always_ included, and _always_ protected. Willie had been Jamie’s role-model, confidant, and best friend. And Jamie had had visions of himself being the same for his new wee brother. And the pub. The pub was meant to be Willie’s, and half the farm would be Jamie’s, the other half Jenny’s. Jamie didn’t mind inheriting the pub, but he would have traded it for his brother in a heartbeat.

In the blink of an eye all of that assurance was gone, along with his beautiful mother and her warm embrace, all-knowing gaze, endless kisses, and musical laugh.

And his father…his father had just never been quite the same. But how could he be? He’d lost his first born child, and Ellen McKenzie had been the love of Brian’s life. Jamie had spent his young childhood seeing firsthand what true love looked like, and he knew that he would never be able to settle for anything less.

He couldn’t have possibly known how true that was until much later. It all began the night he met _her_.

He’d been all of seventeen, and had yet to hit his final growth spurt, so he was still gangly of limb, narrow of chest, a voice that still cracked on occasion, and worst of all a baby-smooth face that just refused to grow more than a fuzzy mustache.

Da called him a late-bloomer, and assured him that he would wake up one morning and it would be like the boy he’d been had simply vanished. Murtagh suggested that maybe he just took after his sister is all…and if Jamie could have gotten away would pommeling his godfather, he would have.

Every day after school Jamie would head straight for the pub, where he would hurry to do his homework before work. He still mostly bussed tables, cleaned floors, and served food and drink, same as he had since he was wee, but at least now Da and Murtagh had taken to teaching him how to make the drinks, and of course the ins and outs of business itself.

It was a slow night, as most Thursday nights were, but since the town did boast a small University, it wasn’t at all uncommon to find tired college students loitering about after the restaurants and cafes were closed.

It was one of such groups that Jamie had been ordered to keep an eye on. Bored college students were known to cause trouble once alcohol was involved, and of course they were all wary of anyone leaving the establishment three sheets to the wind with car keys in their hands.

But this group of five appeared fairly innocuous. In fact none of them had had more than one beer, mostly focused on steadily devouring their burgers and fries.

“Can I get ye anythin’ else?” he asked as he passed their table.

“Can you draw a diagram of the aortic valve?”

Jamie arched a brow down at the lass to his right, the one with all the hair who’d been sitting with her back to the bar all night.

But when Jamie saw her properly for the first time, he could have sworn his heart stopped.

To say she was bonny would have been a terrible understatement. He may have been only seventeen, but she was easily the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. Pearl-like skin, bonny wee freckles, full lips, and the most remarkable eyes…the very color of a fine whiskey.

Those eyes were staring at him, sparkling and full of mischief.

“Ignore her,” the lad sitting beside her said, laughing. “She’s just had it with test prep.”

“If I have to look at one more word tonight, I _will_ explode,” the lass said. “Boom, aortic valve everywhere. And then my friends would have to double your tip for the mess it would make.”

“Leave him alone, Claire,” another lass said. “You’re embarrassing the kid!”

“Claire,” Jamie croaked, not having meant to…not aloud at least.

“That’s me,” she said, still grinning teasingly, but not in a way that Jamie felt made-fun of. “And what’s your name, good sir?”

Jamie gulped, willing his _bloody_ brain to _work_ damn it! He’d never been a fool around girls before, why the hell did he have to start now?!

“J…James,” he said at last, his voice blessedly unwavering. “James Alexander Malcolm McKenzie Fraser.”

The rest at the table laughed, except for her.

“That’s quite a distinguished name, James,” she said.

“Jamie, please,” he told her, mentally kicking himself for pretentiously offering his full name like that.

“Jamie,” she amended.

“Jamie,” Murtagh barked from behind the bar. “Ye gonna stand over there blathering or are ye gonna get to work?”

She still didn’t laugh as the others continued to, just grinned at him some more before turning back to his friends.

He didn’t think he’d ever see her again. Didn’t think he was that lucky. But the next Friday she was there, with the same friends as before. Only instead of jeans and a t-shirt; the standard wear for tired college student, she was dressed in a blue skirt and white blouse and it was all Jamie could do to keep his eyes in his head where they belonged.

Unlike Thursdays, Fridays were very busy, so Jamie could only glimpse her from time to time as she laughed with her friends, drank an impressive amount of whiskey, and slaughtered the lads at darts.

He knew she wouldn’t talk to him. And he wasn’t about to go say hi only for her not to remember him at all. But to his surprised, he looked up from wiping a glass to find her leaning on the other side of the bar, that same wee grin on her face.

“Hello, Jamie!” she chirped.

“H…hello,” he stammered. “Ye remember me?” _Idiot!_

“School hasn’t fried my brain _that_ much,” she laughed. “I swear though I desperately wanted to come over here and recite your full name but I chickened out. Afraid I’d butcher it.”

Jamie laughed. “Ah, dinna fash. I would have let ye think you’d gotten it right either way.” _Oh. Not bad. Much better, at least._

Her nose wrinkled adorably, giving him the ridiculous urge to kiss it. “Dinna fash? I have to say that’s not one I’ve heard before.”

Jamie blushed. “Oh, aye. It’s a bit old fashioned, but my godfather says it all the time. It only means don’t worry.”

“Ah,” she nodded solemnly. “Hakuna Matata.”

He laughed and rolled his eyes. “Aye, more or less. Ye’re clearly no’ from here.”

“No,” she admitted. “I’m from Oxford originally, but my uncle went to school here. He moves around for work a lot, but I liked the idea of carrying on his legacy by attending here.”

“You live wi’ your uncle then?”

“Oh, uh, yeah,” she looked away and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “My parents died when I was small. He raised me.”

Jamie winced in sympathy. “My mam died when I was young. It doesn’a leave ye.”

“No,” she agreed, smiling again. “What about you? Are you in university here?”

Jamie inwardly groaned, face surely flushed as red as his damned hair. “Uhh…no, I’m um…S6. Final year of secondary.”

She nodded. “Are you going to go to university here?”

Every fiber of his being wanted to tell her yes. He had sudden, vivid images of them in university together, her showing him the ropes, he her willing pupil…

“No,” he admitted at last. “I’ve already been accepted tae Oxford.”

Her eyes widened. “Impressive! Congratulations! It’s like we’ll be switching places!”

He grimaced. Why was the universe so cruel? “Aye, now I’ll be th’ Sassenach.”

Claire paused and narrowed her eyes. She didn’t look that serious, but it still gave Jamie a bit of a chill, and he hoped never to be on the other end of her true anger.

“Are you calling me a Sassenach?” she said. “Because I _have_ been called that and I _am_ aware that it isn’t complimentary.”

“It only means that’s you’re English!” Jamie protested. “Or at worst, an _Outlander_. And ye are.”

“Does it now?” she said suspiciously. “Well, I suppose I am at that.”

“Claire!” one of her friends called. “What are you doing? It’s your turn at the board!”

“Better go,” she said. “See you around…” she narrowed her eyes again. “James Alexander Malcolm McKenzie Fraser.”

He couldn’t help but laugh, just impressed that she really _had_ remembered.

“See ye around,” he said as she turned to walk away. “ _Sassenach_.”

She spun back around on her heels, shooting him a playful middle finger, then disappeared in the crowd.

“Get that tongue back into your head, boy,” his Da said, sidling up beside him and slapping him on the back. “Ye look like a mongrel.”

Jamie smiled sheepishly. “Do I _have_ tae go to Oxford?” he said, only half joking.

Brian rolled his eyes, and slapped Jamie on the back again. “You’re going to Oxford. There’ll be plenty of bonny lasses for you tae chase once you’re there.”

Jamie figured his father was right. But would any lass be like _her_?

 

* * *

 

 

I rolled over with a moan, shoving impatiently at my quilt. It was _hot_! Why was it so…oh…

When my hand came into contact with someone else’s skin, my eyes flew open.

At first all I could see was a tangled mixture of curling hair; dark brown and red. And then I moved my own mess of hair out of the way and could finally see Jamie’s face, relaxed in sleep.

For a long moment I just stared at him. He looked unbearably sweet and young, and when I slowly reached over to brush the hair out of his face, his lips quirked up in a smile.

I rolled back over onto my back and sighed, trying to stretch my limbs without disturbing him. I was aching in the best possible way, but otherwise felt boneless and deliciously debauched.

I’d slept with Jamie Fraser. No, more than that, I’d taken the _virginity_ of Jamie Fraser. It had been impulsive in the extreme, totally unlike myself, and yet I didn’t regret it in the least. On the contrary, I couldn’t wait to do it _again_.

I looked back over at him, at his chest as it rose and fell, at the sheet that draped over his lower half, but doing nothing to conceal the little…well, not so little…morning issue.

My brain ran through several different scenarios. I could wake him with a kiss…slowly coax him to wakefulness and hopefully draw his attention. Or…

Smirking to myself I grabbed hold of the sheet and slowly pushed it down, careful not to wake him. He shifted at the sudden feeling of cold air on his lower extremities and I paused until he settled back into sleep.

Once he had, another dreamy smile on his face, I inched down the bed, letting myself admire the part of him that was most definitely awake already, standing proud in the early morning sunlight.

I lightly ran my fingers up the length of him, watching him twitch in mindless interest. I’d never much cared for this particular act with Frank. It had always been uncomfortable and awkward. He’d loved it of course, but he disliked reciprocating, so oral sex was just something we didn’t do.

So it baffled me that I so desperately _wanted_ to do it for Jamie. He’d probably received it before, _he wasn’t a monk after all_ , but I doubted he’d ever been awoken that way.

Jamie’s breathing was starting to become less even, so I knew he would be waking soon. Leaning up, I first pressed a kiss to the tip before opening my mouth and sinking down over him, hollowing my cheeks.

He woke with a gasp, his entire body going rigid before relaxing just as suddenly, a sleepy hand landing heavily on my head.

“Sassenach,” he whispered. “What…”

I pulled away just long enough to shush him, then got back to work, stroking the parts of him my mouth couldn’t cover with my hand.

“Christ,” he hissed, followed by a string of Gaelic that impressed me. I hadn’t known that many people spoke it fluently anymore.

His fingers wound themselves into my hair, but he didn’t try to control the motion of my head, only clung to me like a lifeline, and I loved the slight sting where he pulled accidentally.

“Claire,” he breathed. “I’m goin’ tae…”

It was at this point I would have normally moved away, finishing him with my hand. But with a mental shrug and a _fuck it_ , I sucked harder instead, shocked by the way the feeling and taste of him finishing in my mouth sent shockwaves of pleasure right to my core.

I released him was a satisfying _pop_ and crawled back up to lie beside him, grinning smugly.

“Good morning,” I said, playfully circling one of his nipples with the tip of my finger.

“Verra good,” he gasped, struggling to catch his breath. “That was…I…um…is it right tae thank ye?”

I laughed and cuddled into his side. “Well, it doesn’t hurt.”

He grinned and rolled over, pinning me beneath him. “Thank ye. And I suppose now it’s your turn, aye?” he started to kiss his way down my chest, and the idea wasn’t an unfavorable one, but I thought about the way Frank recoiled with a grimace, or the boy I’d dated in high school who had tried but had given up when it took too long for me to relax enough to let it feel good.

I knew Jamie would be much sweeter than that, but I just didn’t think I was quite ready to open myself up _that_ much.

“Hmm, maybe later,” I said, making sure to smile so he wouldn’t think I was just being nice. I grabbed his face between my hands and dragged him back up to my face for a kiss, and I _must_ have had it bad since even his morning breath didn’t bother me.

“But…” he muttered against my mouth, and I grabbed his hand before he could argue and brought it between my legs.

This was something Jamie knew how to do, and do well, so he did it with abandon. His large, callused fingers sank inside me while his thumb pressed against the side of my clit, making me buck and write against him. All the while he was no doubt leaving marks up and down the column of my neck, until his lips fastened around my nipple, and I’d never even realized just _how_ sensitive I could be there.

I latched onto Jamie shoulder with my teeth, hoping to leave a mark of my own, and whimpered as my orgasm washed over me long and hard.

He stroked me gently through the aftershocks, then pulled me tightly into his embrace before we both dozed off into _very_ satisfied sleep.

 

When I awoke again it was mid-morning, and there was an annoying tapping sound that just didn’t seem to want to _stop_.

I opened my eyes, face-to-face with Jamie’s chest. He was still sound asleep, and I couldn’t fight a smile at the knowledge of just how _cuddly_ he was in sleep.

The tapping sound started again and I sighed when I realized finally that it the door, and it also didn’t sound like they were giving up any time soon.

“It’s my day _off_ ,” I whispered in annoyance, gently detangling myself from Jamie’s grasp so I could roll out of bed. Whoever it was, they were _still_ knocking, so I hurriedly patted around for something to put on, unearthing Jamie’s wrinkled button down shirt from among the tangle of blankets. I smirked as I put it on, checking to make sure it covered everything before tip-toing out of the bedroom, shutting the door behind me.

I snatched up my phone first, which had been left on my coffee table, and rolled my eyes with a groan. Seven missed calls, and eighteen text messages from both Joe and Louise, which at a glance seemed to contain the same general sentiment of _YOU NEVER CALLED AFTER YOUR DATE, ARE YOU ALIVE?!_

It was absolutely no surprise at all to glance out the peephole to see Joe on the other side of the door, so I rolled my eyes again and opened it.

“ _Damn_ it, Lady Jane!” Joe exclaimed as soon as the door opened. “Louise and I have been trying to get ahold of you since last night! You know the rules; you go on a date with a new guy, you check in afterwards! I’ve been worried sick!”

My shoulders slumped. “God, Joe, you’re right, I’m so sorry. I left my phone on silent and I just didn’t think about it.”

Joe looked me up and down, seeming to finally register my apparel, and he chuckled in amusement. “Well, you clearly look well. More than well…I daresay you look well _laid_. Good, job, Lady! I take it the date went well!” he glanced over my shoulder into the apartment. “Shit, is he still here?”

“Actually, the date was a bust,” I said, leaning against the doorjamb.

Joe frowned in confusion. “Really? What, was it a wham, bam, thank you ma’am?”

I laughed, grimacing even as I did so. “God, Joe! Who _says_ that?! I didn’t bring Garrett home. He was a prick.”

“Then what…”

“Sassenach, are ye…”

Jamie trailed off, and I turned around to find him standing like a deer in the headlights outside my bedroom door, thankfully wearing boxers. “Oh…hey Joe,” he said nervously.

“HEY JAMIE!” Joe exclaimed loudly, his mouth open in a goofy grin and his eyes wide and sparkling before they flicked back to me, so alight it looked like he’d just seen a fairy.

I smiled wryly at him. “Yeah. Anyway, thanks for checking on me Joe, and I’m sorry I didn’t call.”

“No problem!” Joe said, backing out of the doorway. “NONE at all! You two just…carry on, and I’ll talk to you later, Lady Jane. Bye Jamie, see you later!”

“Bye Joe,” Jamie said bemusedly as I closed the door. “Sorry, lass,” he said, wincing.

I chuckled. “Don’t be, I’d have told him later either way. Wasn’t quite expecting him to react like _that_ though.”

“He looked…well he didn’a look mad, at least.”

I laughed. “No. And just wait.”

“Wait for what?”

I leaned back against the door and held up my phone so he could see the screen, and ticked my fingers off with my other hand, _three, two, one_ …

My phone buzzed repeatedly as text after text lit up the screen in rapid succession.

Jamie came closer so he could see the screen.

“From Louise,” he read aloud. “ _Omg Claire, Joe just fucking told me that you fucked Jamie Fraser from the bar is this true_ …” he chuckled and read the next one. “Erm, that’s just a bunch of random letters, and _bitch you better text me back before you go back to screwing Mr. Hot Highlander. How could you do this and not tell me? What the fuck took so long_ …”

I laughed and turned the phone off before tossing it onto the couch. “I’ll text her back later.”


	4. Quick Study

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the past, Jamie worries there's something wrong with him. In present day, Claire and Jamie continue to enjoy the "morning after."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *peeks in* *looks around* *waves sheepishly*
> 
> Has it been six months already?!
> 
> By popular demand, First Time Here is back! I'm still in the process of figuring out where this fic is going. It doesn't have a plan like DBMW does lol. *shrug*
> 
> But who needs a plan when you have lovey dovey sexy-times with C&J?! Amiright?!

_8 Years Ago_

It had never occurred to Jamie to be nervous about the _academic_ side of Oxford University. For all that his schooling up to that point had been informal at best, Jamie truly loved to learn.

And in truth, University was an intellectual challenge of the likes he’d never known. But he loved it.

No. His real challenge came from the unfamiliar brands of socialization he was being exposed to.

He’d always been outgoing and friendly, but he’d always been _very_ sheltered, and he’d never before in his life been around so many people from so many different places and walks of life.

There were rules and social cues that he couldn’t have imagined outside of history books depicting the lives of the upper class in 18th century Versailles. He would never have imagined that a girl might sneer at him for opening a door for her because she’s _perfectly capable of doing it herself_. And he supposed it was considered odd to simply walk up to people and introduce himself.

But he fumbled through and learned, and it wasn’t long before he had accumulated a few good friends.

The closest of who was John. They met in Economics; he sat behind Jamie and teased him lightly for Jamie’s eagerness in class. Later they went for a drink, and John introduced Jamie to his other friends, and for the first time in Jamie’s life he was part of a group that didn’t involve family or people who had known him long enough to be considered family.

John was also gay, which didn’t bother Jamie. In fact, he rather appreciated that about his friend because that meant he didn’t usually take part in everyone else’s mission to hook Jamie up with any woman within a 20 foot radius.

“Come on Jamie, what about Geneva?” Gavin asked, hooking a finger over his shoulder toward the brunette girl sitting with her friend at the bar they frequented, where the whiskey was shit but the beer was cheap.

Jamie took a sip of his beer, turning his body slightly so that he could discreetly take a look at who Gavin was referring to.

Geneva Dunsany was a beautiful socialite from London, majoring in business, like Jamie. Which meant that in addition to beautiful and rich, she must have a pretty good head on her shoulders as well.

“Aye,” Jamie acknowledged judiciously. “She’s bonny.”

“ _Bonny_ ,” Kenny scoffed. “Geneva is more than just _bonny_ , Braveheart. And she’s into you.”

Jamie arched a brow, both at the statement and the nickname. “How do ye figure?”

“Because right now she’s staring at you like she’d like to climb inside of you,” Gavin said, causing them to all start chuckling.

Caught off guard, Jamie lost his discreetness and spun to look, just catching Geneva in the act of staring.

“She doesn’a even know me,” Jamie said, turning back to his friends.

“What’s that got to do with it?” Gavin said.

“I’m afraid I have to agree with them on this one,” John said, leaning forward. “Attraction is just the first step, kiddo. Getting to know one another comes later.”

Jamie rolled his eyes. “Yes, I _ken_ that.”

So after much badgering, some childish dares, and a few shots, Jamie approached Geneva carefully, like he might one of his more skittish mares. The caution was unneeded, however, because Geneva had turned to him the moment he walked up, grinning becomingly and requesting he buy her a drink.

A drink turned into two, and before he knew it, Geneva was taking his hand, and pulling him up from the stool.

“My dorm isn’t far,” she told him. “And my roommate is at her boyfriend’s tonight.”

Jamie nodded, slowly, fairly sure of her meaning, but afraid to assume.

Geneva chuckled at his dumbfounded expression, and tugged at his hand again. “Come on.”

Jamie looked to his friends’ table in a mild panic, but Gavin and Kenny both grinned and gave him the thumbs up, while John just shrugged.

This wasn’t what he was expecting. He thought he’d ask her on a date, and take her to a nice dinner, maybe a movie. He’d be a gentleman and she’d be pleased with that. Then maybe…later…if the time was right, they’d take the next step. But he didn’t even _know_ this girl.

When they reached her dorm, he had only a moment to take in the décor before she was kissing him messily.

He tried to get into the kiss, but just _couldn’t_ , so he pulled back, hoping maybe he could convince her to ease into it a bit more. Maybe if he could just _relax_.

“Ye like horses?” he asked breathlessly, pulling away. He nodded up to the cork board display of blue ribbons and photographs of a smiling young girl atop a black and white thoroughbred. He grabbed onto that hint of a shared interest with both hands.

“Oh, yes,” she said, flapping a hand dismissively. “I’ve been in competitions almost since I was big enough to sit in a saddle.”

“My family raises horses,” he said. “I never competed, but I learned tae ride before I learned tae walk.”

“I bet you ride well,” she said lowly, staring at him intently.

He gulped. “I…erm…haven’a fallen off yet. So…erm…tell me about these ribbons…”

“Later,” she said, sitting on her bed and pulling him down after her.

Jamie tried to relax into kissing her again, but it was all teeth and spit, and nothing at all like he thought it should be. Nothing even like the stiff, closed-eye kisses he’d shared with girls back home due to curiosity and silly games of truth or dare.

But he kept trying. He threaded his fingers into her wavy hair, and suddenly imagined riotous curls. He wondered if they would be as soft as they looked.

He pulled back with a gasp, feeling utterly wretched for thinking of Claire while kissing another girl. “Lass…maybe we should uh…slow down?”

“Slow down?” Geneva snapped, sitting back from him with a disgusted look on her face. “What is _with_ you?”

“I just…I haven’a…” he sighed in defeat, letting his fists rest on his knees. “I haven’a done this before.”

Geneva blinked in surprise. “Oh… _seriously_? Well, I haven’t either, so it’s fine.”

She leaned in to kiss him again, but he pulled back, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Then…don’t you want your first time to be more…special?”

She rolled her eyes. “The only reason I’m still a virgin is because I was practically kept under lock and key back home. I’m _done_ waiting. And now my father’s trying to fix me up with some rich heir…I’d rather my first time to be with someone like you, Jamie.”

Jamie smiled. “Weel…I’m flattered, lass. But I want my first time to be special too, ken…so why don’t we…”

“Ugh, if you don’t _want_ to just _say_ so,” Geneva snorted, standing up. “God, and men say _women_ are overly sentimental.”

“I think I should go,” Jamie said quietly, rising to do just that.

“Call me when you grow up,” she said over her shoulder, but she was texting someone, and already ignoring his existence.

Jamie wanted to make a _growing up_ quip about the dozens of dolls and sparkly pony posters decorating her room, but opted not to in the end.

He went straight to John’s apartment after that, related to him the failed experience. John had patted his back sympathetically, and suggested he needed to find a _nicer_ girl.

 

So it was John himself that set Jamie up on a blind date with his own sister, Dottie. The date had gone well, and had turned into two, then three. Dottie was nice, enjoyable to be around, and not nearly as forward as Geneva. But despite being pretty, Jamie just wasn’t attracted to her, and the feeling turned out to be mutual. They parted as friends, and immediately after she began dating the man who would eventually become her husband.

Gavin and Kenny tried to set him up a few times, and Jamie would approach girls around school. At first he was open about his state of virginity, but he quickly learned that for a man, it wasn’t anything to be proud of, especially after he reached his 20s. And during one particularly bad encounter when he’d gotten pished and brought a girl home, she’d laughed right in his face when he’d confessed, and again when he’d been incapable of getting it up.

He’d had to hide in his bathroom and call John to come and save him when she passed out in his room and wouldn’t leave the next morning.

And, then, finally, in his third year of University, during a study session at John’s that had turned into a session of Jamie whining that there must be something wrong with him, John had made the careful suggestion that maybe his problem with attraction had to do with… _gender_.

Jamie certainly didn’t _think_ he was gay, but nor was he afraid to acknowledge when he found a man attractive. So, he felt like he had nothing to lose by giving it a try, and agreed to go on a date with John, thinking at the time that John was only doing him a favor as a friend.

It had felt like any other time he and his friend had gone out, but this time John would occasionally touch his back, or hand, and smile at him in a way a friend normally wouldn’t.

They went on two dates, with Jamie going through the motions but feeling more like he was putting on a play for some invisible audience, and then when Jamie walked John home, laughingly opening the door for him like a true gentleman, John had kissed him.

He hadn’t been expecting it, and after the shock had faded, he’d tried to evaluate how it made him feel.

“Well?” John asked, pulling away, and Jamie’s heart sank at the hopeful look on his friend’s face.

_Christ_ , he felt like a fool and an outright _jerk_ for not realizing the depth of the feelings his best friend had for him. And there he’d been…pretending for the sake of an _experiment_ when John had been genuinely hoping for something more.

“I’m sorry,” Jamie whispered. “God, John…I’m so sorry.”

John smiled, but Jamie could see the hurt and disappointment in his eyes. “Ah, it’s alright. I knew it was a longshot. _Definitely_ not gay, huh?”

Jamie shook his head. “No. I think…I think I’m not _anything_.”

“Everyone is something,” John said. “And asexuality is certainly a thing…but I don’t think that’s it.”

“I _want_ to want sex,” Jamie said in frustration. “But I just don’t… _want_ anybody! That’s not normal!”

John hummed. “Oh? And what about…what was her name again? _Claire_?”

Jamie admitted that in the midst of school and the frantic search for a mate, he hadn’t really thought all that much about Claire of late, but hearing her name was like sending an arrow straight to his heart and cock simultaneously.

“I thought so,” John chuckled, seeing Jamie’s face redden. “What is it about _that_ girl? Maybe that’s what you need to think about.”

“If you’re going to suggest I find someone like Claire, ye’d be wasting your breath. There’s _no one_ like her.”

“Then, there you have it,” John said, holding out his palms. “That’s why you don’t want just anybody. Because you want _her_.”

Jamie shook his head. “But that…that’s still not normal! She was just a girl I knew back home who was way out of my league. We never even dated. Am I supposed to just spend my life pining after her? Any other guy I know can just march up to a beautiful, willing woman, and take her to bed, no problem.”

“Well, I guess you’re _not_ normal,” John said. “But that isn’t a bad thing. It just means you’re a rare man who thinks with his heart, not his dick. But don’t feel like it’s Claire or nobody. You’re bound to meet someone else eventually that you can give your heart to. In the meantime…don’t worry about it.”

After that, Jamie felt a lot more at ease, and finally quit worrying about losing his “V Card” and focused on finishing school. He considered what John said about finding someone else, but in the back of his mind he still held out hope for _her._ A hope, that unfortunately, was dashed to pieces when he finally graduated and went home.

 

_Present Time_

Claire turned off her phone, ignoring the texts that were popping up rapid fire from her friend, and tossed it carelessly away, before fixing him with those golden eyes of hers.

For his part, Jamie couldn’t stop staring at her, wearing nothing but his own shirt; long, pale legs extending endlessly from the bottom.

When he’d woken up alone in bed, he hadn’t thought much of throwing on his boxers and going in search of her, but now he felt absurdly shy…more naked than he had the night before.

Claire’s expression shifted from heated to soft, presumably able to see his unease, and Jamie wondered when she was going to tire of his cowardice and decide she wanted a real man instead.

“You must be hungry,” she said, mischief coloring her tone and banishing his dark thoughts. “You certainly did enough last night to work up an appetite.”

Jamie felt his cheeks warm, and he cursed himself. What _was_ it about this woman that turned him into a bashful lass with a look?

“Aye,” he admitted.

“I’m not much of a cook,” she said, swanning into her small kitchen. “But I can manage some bacon and eggs.”

“Sounds good,” he said, unable to keep from following her. “Ye should let me cook for ye one day.”

“Oh?” she sang, turning and grinning at him. “You cook?”

“Oh, aye. I like to. My mam taught me. John and my other friends at school would have survived on naught but beer, takeout, and ramen noodles if I hadn’t been there tae feed them.”

“Then it’s a date,” she declared, turning back to the stove.

Jamie preened. He hadn’t thought that last night was a one-time thing. If for nothing else, he knew that Claire would not be so careless with his heart after what he had confessed to her last night. But still, it sent a thrill through him to hear her speak of future plans.

The coffee, bacon, and eggs were good, but Jamie scarcely thought he’d have noticed if they weren’t, too captivated with the way Claire slumped in her chair, eating messily, her eyes still drooping sleepily.

He’d seen her in much the same state – and even with as much skin showing – on nights at the bar. But this was so different. Her hair was mussed from his hands. Her neck reddened by his unshaved face. The neck of his shirt draped open to reveal a light bruise where he’d bitten down a bit too hard. Not that she’d complained.

“What?” she asked teasingly, and he realized he was probably staring too much.

“Sorry,” he said, turning to focus on the last of his coffee. “You’re just so bonny…is all.”

She snorted. “Make no mistake, I’m a veritable _beast_ in the morning. I’m only in such a good mood now because I had a _very_ good night.”

He chuckled. “You’re being kind.”

Claire tilted her chin up, eyeing him down the bridge of her nose, and he loved how regal it made her look. She stood up, running a hand through her already wild curls then deposited herself with a graceless plop into his lap.

His cock roared to life, no matter that he’d come harder than he ever had in his life not even an hour ago. Jamie knew that the sight of her mouth wrapped around his cock would be something that he would think about on his death bed.

Though Annalise and he had touched one another on occasion – the only reason he actually _wasn’t_ useless when it came to bringing a woman off with his hand – they had never progressed farther than that. Somehow oral sex seemed even _more_ intimate to Jamie than intercourse, and although he was probably the only man alive willing to turn down a blowjob, he’d heard mixed opinions from men on performing the act on women.

But it came as no surprise to Jamie that he wanted to do that for Claire even more than he wanted to be inside her again.

Her hands ran themselves over his bare chest, nails scratching lightly at his nipples her she draped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him in for a kiss.

Jamie didn’t think he would tire of kissing Claire for the rest of his life. A theory he wanted nothing more than to prove – but he fought to reign in his emotions, afraid to scare her off with the depth of how he felt for her.

Claire was wiggling her hips, rubbing her plump arse on his cock, and Jamie had to bite his tongue to keep control of himself. He was _determined_ to take it slow this time, actually see to her pleasure before succumbing to his own. Show her he was willing to learn. Show her he could be a good lover. Keep her with him.

Standing up suddenly, he lifted Claire into his arms, her legs wrapping immediately around his hips, and carried her back to her room.

He hadn’t paid any mind to her bedroom the night before, with good reason. It was decorated simply, much like the rest of her apartment. Everything arranged more for comfort and usefulness than looks. But here and there were hints of her personality; a framed painting of a person’s opened chest surrounded by flowers, an Egyptian-looking vase, dried flowers hanging from her vanity mirror, polaroid photos of her and her friends. And perhaps most amusingly of all, a stuffed animal shaped like a human organ, complete with a cute little cartoonish face. It must have been placed on her bed, but had been knocked to the floor some time in the night.

She must have seen his look, because after he sat her on the bed, she leaned over and plucked it up from the floor. “Do you like him?”

“ _Him_?” Jamie asked, taking the plush from her and turning it upside down. “Isn’t this a uterus?”

“Yes,” she giggled. “I saw him online and I couldn’t help myself. His name is George.”

“George the uterus,” Jamie said, nodding solemnly, though he couldn’t keep the smile from making the corners of his mouth twitch.

“What,” she teased. “Don’t men name _their_ parts?”

“Oh aye,” he leaned in close. “It _just_ so happens, my part is named George too.”

Claire laughed. “Is that so?” she took the smiling uterus and tossed it back onto the floor, and Jamie let out an exaggerated gasp.

“Hey! Be nice tae wee George!”

“I intend to,” she said, grabbing him by the neck and pulling him after her as she lay back on the bed.

Jamie kissed her, but wasn’t quite finished hearing her laugh. “Didn’a anyone ever teach ye to pick up your toys?”

She obliged him, chuckling low in his ear and making him shiver. “You’ll have to remind me to show you my other toys later.”

Jamie froze as he worked out her meaning, eyes widening and cock throbbing when it clicked into place. “Christ,” he mumbled.

Before he could gather back up his wits, Claire was hooking a leg around his hips, flipping him over as easily as if he _didn’t_ weigh twice as much as she did and straddled his hips with a cheeky smirk on her face.

Jamie framed her hips with his hands gently, as if she were fragile, even though he knew very well that she was anything but.

“See something you like?” she asked teasingly, and Jamie realized he’d been staring slack-jawed at her body.

“Verra much so,” he said, finding no effort in focusing on her eyes, because they were just as mesmerizing as the rest of her. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

Instead of smiling, or thanking him, or even rolling her eyes, Claire looked suddenly shy and uneasy, and Jamie couldn’t help but wonder why.

She shook it off quickly, however, and Jamie was unable to pursue the subject since all thought was dashed out of his head the moment her hand wrapped around…well… _George’s_ head.

She guided him gently to her, then sank down on him in one smooth movement, making his eyes roll and groan force itself up his throat.

It was impossible to look away, the sight of her sliding up and down the length of him almost more than he could handle. But then he did look away, back up to her face, the way her eyes shut and her head tilted back in abandon. Her nails scored little indentions in his chest, the slight pain helping to keep him grounded.

When it dawned on him that he was just lying there like a fish, letting her do all the work, he tightened his hold and canted his hips up to meet her, focusing on keeping time with her rhythm, ignoring his own impulse to go faster. He was determined to bring _her_ pleasure first this time.

One hand slid forward, grazing the slight but soft curve of her belly, spreading his hand out until his thumb found her clit.

“ _Fuck_!” she hissed, opening her eyes and fixing him with a look that made his hips snap up in reflex, and she cried out again, leaning farther other him, pressing herself into his hand. “Don’t stop.”

“Never,” he ground out, grinning when he realized that now he could reach her breasts if he leaned up a bit. Giving in to something he’d wanted to do almost since he met her, he fastened his lips around her nipple, sucking hard.

“Oh God,” she moaned, before launching into a litany of curses that would have impressed even Murtagh.

Now that he understood what the clenching of her body meant, now that he recognized the way her voice went up several octaves, he was able to let himself go, and not a moment too soon.

“ _Ifrinn_!” he breathed as Claire slumped bonelessly atop him.

“I’ll take that to mean, ‘that was good’,” she chuckled.

“ _Good_ doesn’a quite cover it,” he said, his eyes already fluttering shut.

He was already half asleep when she spoke again, but he thought he heard her say, “My God…how are you so damned _good_ at this already?”


	5. Nerves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire experiences nerves leading up to her and Jamie's first official date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note at the end of the chapter!

_Three Years Ago_

The same year that Jamie left for Oxford, was the year I met Frank. He had been wandering campus, looking like a lost puppy, and I asked him if he needed help finding his class, and he had. What I _hadn’t_ realized at the time was he wasn’t a student, but a newly appointed professor of History.

I wasn’t taking History, so it felt like nothing to ask him out for a drink. He was hesitant – dating between staff and students being understandably frowned upon if not outright forbidden. But in the end we started a casual relationship of drinks, dancing, theatre, and before too long, sex. He wasn’t my first, but he was my first love.

Our first time together was nothing spectacular. First times seldom are. But in time, as we learned one another moods and likes and dislikes, we developed a satisfying physical relationship. Two years later, we moved in together.

I didn’t see Jamie once in the four years he was away at school. On most school holidays, I was either visiting my uncle or taking trips with Frank. The one break I did stay home was the one where Jamie went to stay with relatives in France. I missed his banter, kind smile and easy blush at the bar, but admittedly, I didn’t think about him much.

I was celebrating my new residency at Raigmore Hospital the night Jamie came home. I was sitting next to Louise when he walked in. There was no mistaking that vibrant red hair of his, nor the fact that he was almost a carbon copy of his father, except for his coloring and eyes.

But the adorably awkward boy I had known had gone off and returned a stunningly attractive man. I didn’t know why I was surprised. He’d always been handsome, and it would have been clear if I’d been paying attention that he’d been one growth spurt shy of becoming a giant like Brian.

But more than just having grown tall, he’d grown into himself. All lean muscle, chiseled chin, and most of all an easy confidence refreshingly devoid of the conceit often found in exceptionally good-looking individuals.

That eager boy was still there, however, when he rushed to greet me, grin stretching from ear to ear. Even then, I saw the way his face fell when I introduced him to Frank, and I felt bad, but hoped that any lingering crush young Jamie might have would fade and that he and Frank would become friends.

And to my knowledge, it did. And although our friendship never really progressed very much beyond what time we spent together at the pub, Jamie eventually became one of my favorite people. Frank was tolerable of our friendship, more so than he was of my closeness with Joe, but he never seemed to understand why Jamie and I were friends.

It was that which led to our first real fight. When Brian Fraser died.

“Claire, I feel sorry too, but you have no place going over there.”

“Maybe not,” I said. “But I have to at least let Jamie know I’m _here_ for him.”

“Can’t you just _call_ him?”

I scowled, but flushed, because I didn’t have Jamie’s cell number, only the number to the pub, which had been temporarily closed.

“See?” Frank said, with an unattractive gleam of victory. “You’ll look like a fool traipsing up to their house when you don’t even know these people.”

“You’re the one being a fool,” I hissed, slamming the door on my way out.

I wondered if Frank was right all the way to the Fraser estate outside Broch Mordha, but I didn’t let that stop me. If all I did was knock on their door and offer my condolences, then at least I’d done that much.

“Claire?” Jamie’s sister, Jenny said in surprise when she opened the door, her eyes dry but red-rimmed.

Before I could say anything, Jamie was coming around the corner, asking Jenny who was at the door. He took one look at me and stepped around his sister, who took her quiet leave, and pulled me into a rough hug.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, knowing the words fell flat, but not knowing what else to say. “I’m really going to miss him.”

“Thank you,” Jamie mumbled into my shoulder, his voice tight.

I didn’t stay long, but before I left I programmed my number into Jamie’s cell, insisting he call me for anything, even just to talk.

We began texting back and forth after that, and one night he called, almost in tears.

“I dinna ken what to do,” he confessed. “Fraser’s Ridge…it’s _his_.”

“Yeah but…it was always meant to go to you,” I reasoned. “That’s what you went to school for.”

“We were meant tae run it _together_.”

“I know Jamie…and it isn’t fair. I may not have known Brian all that well, but I _know_ that he would have wanted you to take over. And not just run it the way he did, but make it your _own_. He believed in you so much. While you were at school, he would talk about you to any customer willing to listen. Bragging about your grades, awards you were given. He was so incredibly proud of you, Jamie.”

Jamie was silent for a time, though I could hear him sniff, and a rustling sound that was perhaps him rubbing his face. “Thank ye, Sassenach,” he said at last. “That…that’s what I needed tae hear.”

Fraser’s Ridge reopened not long after that, and soon it was better than ever with updated menus, open mic and trivia nights, and the blessed addition of craft coffee.

I think Frank never really got over that situation with Jamie, and certainly never came to terms with us texting or otherwise communicating outside of the bar. Maybe he just saw something that I wasn’t able to at the time.

After four years of dating and living together, marriage had felt like the obvious next step. We went to a nice restaurant, Frank took his hand in mine, presented me with a 2 carat diamond ring, and asked me to marry him. My answer was enthusiastic, both at the restaurant and later at home. Everything was perfect.

“I suppose congratulations are in order,” Jamie said, eyes narrowing in on the sparkling solitaire while I tapped my fingers distractedly against the bar while I studied some medical essays in preparation for a tricky surgery I would be assisting in.

“Thank you,” I said, smiling at the ring. “He just proposed last night.”

“And he’s no’ here wi ye?” he asked, looking around like he was expecting Frank to materialize from the wall or something. “If I was newly engaged tae…someone, I’d be right here, makin’ sure the world knew!”

I chuckled. “He had a late class. What about you Jamie, when are we gonna find you someone?”

He grinned and shook his head, shooting me one of those lazy blinks that served as his version of a wink, he being incapable of closing only one eye at a time. “S’pose when we find me a girl who can put up wi’ me.”

It honestly didn’t take that long. It may have even been the next time Frank and I went to the pub that I found Jamie leaning over the bar, his head close to that of a beautiful blonde, grinning devilishly at her.

Annalise was gorgeous, smart, sweet…and for reasons I couldn’t fathom at the time…I didn’t like her one bit.

To me she was too simpering, too coquettish. She fawned over Jamie’s every word, and it rankled on my last nerve. I just thought that Jamie needed someone with a bit more _depth_. But I knew how incredibly unfair that was.

Just as unfair as it was to feel pangs of jealousy every time she flounced into the pub and kissed him.

 

_Present Time_

We procrastinated parting ways as long as we could, but fact was real life was waiting, and even though I had the day off, Jamie did not.

“Murtagh and Rupert are covering the late shift,” Jamie said, shrugging on his coat over his plain white undershirt, (his plaid shirt was still being worn by me,) “I’d like tae take ye out, tonight, if ye like. A _proper_ date, ken.”

“I _would_ like,” I told him, grabbing the ends of his coat and rising up on tiptoe to kiss him. My heart was thundering, a baffling anxiety twisting my gut, making me want to drag him right back to my room to make him forget work even existed, much less that he needed to go to it.

It was completely irrational of course, but I felt like if he left, it would pop this sort of bubble we’d made ourselves and we’d never get it back again.

Jamie easily relaxed into the kiss, his tongue softly swiping over mine, but then he pulled back, giving me that uncanny look of his that made me think he was reading me like a book. “I’ll be here tae pick ye up at _seven_ , Sassenach. Trust me, if I had it my way, I wouldn’a leave this apartment until ye tired of me and booted me out.”

“How do you do that?” I asked him. “How do you always know what I’m thinking? Is that something they teach you when you become a bartender?”

He chuckled. “While reading people can be a useful knack tae have as a bartender, fact is ye wear everything you’re thinking right on your face, as clear as day. I dinna ken what you’re worried about though…will ye tell me?”

I huffed, hating that I was acting like a clingy girlfriend when we hadn’t even been on a real date yet. “I don’t know. I guess this has just all happened so fast. Last night I was going on my hundredth first date with some loser and now…” I raised my arms and let them drop, not feeling like I was explaining it well, but unable to find any better way of putting it. “This just feels fragile somehow, I guess.”

“Is it… _too_ fast?” Jamie asked, worry knotting his brow. “Lass…we can slow down if ye want. We can wait and go out this weekend…we…”

“No,” I interrupted. “That’s not what I meant! I just…” I sighed and rolled my eyes. “I’m being stupid, I’m sorry.”

“Claire,” he said firmly, taking me by the shoulders. “Ye’re many things, but stupid is not one of them. Maybe it would help if we really _talk_ about this…about what we want… _this_ to be. Tonight?”

“Tonight,” I agreed, smiling.

We kissed again, for a good three minutes, but just when he started working up the hem of his (my) shirt I reluctantly pushed him away.

“You have to go to work, remember?” I said. “Besides, I have a hot date to get ready for.”

He smirked, still fingering the shirt. “Just out of curiosity, am I ever getting this back?”

I shook my head in the negative with a serious expression, and he laughed.

“I thought not. Looks better on you anyway. Until tonight, Sassenach.”

“Until tonight,” I said softly after I’d already shut the door, before spinning around and pouncing on my phone, wondering if I ought to call Joe or Louise first.

I decided on Joe, because Louise would be at work by then and because I needed someone to talk me down and keep from overthinking everything, and Joe was the one for that job. Besides, he lived in my building.

“ _Come over_ ,” I texted him. “ _Hurry up_.”

“ _You sure?_ ” he responded after a moment. “ _Figured you’d be busy the rest of the day!”_

_“He went to work. But we’re going out again tonight and you need to come over. Now.”_

_“Fine, fine. I’ll let myself in. But you go take a shower. I don’t want to talk about what you smelled like when I was over earlier.”_

I rolled my eyes, but was already headed for the bathroom when he texted again. “ _I mean, yeah I do wanna talk about it. I definitely want to talk about the momentous event where Claire Beauchamp finally bangs the long-suffering Jamie Fraser. But still. Shower.”_

_“Ugh shut up. I’m showering. Be over in 20.”_

 

When I emerged from the bathroom, wrapping a towel around my head, Joe was sitting on my couch, eating my leftover pizza.

“Rude,” I muttered.

“So tell me,” he began, eyes twinkling when he turned around on the couch to look at me. “What was it that finally clicked with you? Did he actually get up the nerve to ask you out, or were you just so ready to take someone home last night and he started looking awfully good once your date turned out to be a dud?”

I made a face. “Damn Joe, thanks for making me sound desperate. The date was a dud alright, but it’s not like I just dragged Jamie home because he was the closest available male. After I got rid of Garrett, Jamie and I got to talking. One thing led to another and…” I shrugged, letting Joe fill in the blanks.

“So, it was a one-night-stand?” Joe asked.

“No,” I said, realizing I was making the whole affair sound shallow and meaningless. “Well we haven’t…really _defined_ it just yet…that’s what we’re going to talk about tonight. But it definitely wasn’t a one-time thing.”

Joe whistled. “Wow. I always knew you had a thing for him, but you sound pretty serious.”

“How did _you_ know?” I asked him. “I didn’t even know. And you keep saying _finally,_ too. Has Jamie ever said anything to you?”

He chuckled. “No. But it astounds me that you’ve never seen the way that boy looks at you.”

“Like what?” I asked quietly.

“ _Intensely_. Like you’re the only person in the room, all the time.”

I shook my head. “I can’t believe I never realized. Well…I guess at one point I _did_ think he had a crush on me, but I thought that’s all that was.”

“Alright, but seriously,” he said, flicking his hand. “And I realize I might regret asking this. But how was it?”

I got up, padding toward the refrigerator. “How was what?” I asked innocently.

“For fucks sake, Claire. You know damn well what I meant!”

I bit my lower lip. Jamie didn’t _ask_ me not to tell anyone that I was his first, but it definitely felt like something personal he might not want me blabbing to my friends. Yet he insinuated it wasn’t something he tried to hide from his own friends, and if there was anyone I could trust not to tell anyone else, it was Joe. Quite frankly I just needed to talk to _someone_.

I grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge, popped them open and returned to the couch, handing one to Joe.

“You reticence must mean it was either _that_ bad or _that_ good,” Joe said, taking the proffered bottle. “So which is it?”

“Okay,” I began. “If I tell you something, will you _promise_ not to talk to anyone else about it? Not even Gale, or Louise. _Especially_ not Louise. She can’t keep a secret worth shit.”

Joe fixed me with a look. “Have I _ever_ betrayed your trust Lady Jane? Have I ever told a soul about the time you got drunk and sang _Unchained Melody_ outside the monastery? Or the time you laughed so hard at a douchy teenager wiping out on his skateboard that you wet your pants? Or how about the time you and that duck…”

“ALRIGHT!” I cried, punching his shoulder. “Point made! Jesus,” I narrowed my eyes at him. “You really never told your _fiancé_ about all that?”

He shook his head. “Gale’s a rare soul, LJ. She understands that she’s the girl I love, even though you were my girl first.”

“That _is_ rare,” I said, remembering how bitter Frank was about my best friend being a man. “Gale’s awesome. But seriously. It’s personal, not just for me.”

“Ok,” he said, sobering. “Talk to me. Is it Jamie? He doesn’t have anything does he? You remembered to use condoms right?”

“It’s nothing like that,” I said. “He…Jamie was a virgin…before last night.”

Joe just sat there a minute, blinking slowly, as if waiting for a punchline. “You’re joking…right?”

“ _No_ ,” I droned. “And how messed up is it that it’s such a _shock_ that a man is a virgin? Or any adult, for that matter.”

“Nah, you’re right about that,” Joe said, blowing out a breath of air. “Damn. I guess when someone’s got looks like ol’ Fraser, you just don’t expect that. Did he say there was any specific reason?”

“Just that he’d never really wanted to…with anyone else.”

“Woooah…are you telling me you’re the _only_ one he’s ever wanted…wait a second,” Joe scrunched up his face. “You don’t think this was some kind of line, do you?”

“No!” I snapped. The thought had honestly never even occurred to me, which was a little surprising considering how cynical of the opposite sex I’d become. “He’s too sincere. Too…no, Joe. He wasn’t pretending.”

“So. You popped Jamie Fraser’s cherry. What was _that_ like?”

I couldn’t have fought the smile creeping across my face if I tried, and Joe started laughing at the sight of it.

“Wow, was Fraser a quick study?”

I buried my face in my hands, feeling it heat up. “Oh God, Joe! I mean, you think of your first time and you remember awkward fumbling and embarrassing mistakes, right?”

“Right,” he agreed. “All knees and elbows and surprised realization of the sheer messiness of it all, yep.”

“Yeah, well, maybe there _was_ a tad bit of awkwardness at first but _Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ_ , it was unlike anything I’d ever felt in my life! He’s so… _enthusiastic,_ to say the least. And unbelievably eager to please.”

“It probably doesn’t hurt that you’ve known him for ages, and are already half in love with him.”

I didn’t bother trying to deny Joe’s assumption, a fact the wiggling of his eyebrows told me he’d noticed.

“I feel kind of out of my depth here, Joe,” I confessed. “We went from zero to sixty like _that_ ,” I snapped my fingers. “And it’s no use ignoring the fact that being his first is a big deal. It’s all kind of…”

“Scary?” Joe suggested.

“Yeah.”

Joe scooted closer, putting an arm around my shoulder. “You were burned big time, LJ. No one can blame you for being a little gun shy. But don’t let _that_ bastard, or societal norms, keep you from something that _could_ be great.”

“I don’t want it to,” I muttered, leaning into him. “What if I end up hurting _him_ though? He’s the sweetest guy ever, Joe. What if I fuck him up for any other woman?”

Joe chuckled and rubbed my arm. “Aw, Lady Jane. I get the strong impression that you fucked him for any other woman a looong time ago.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” I whined.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I mean, _aww_ , poor, poor Claire…she has a tall, ripped Highlander fresh off the cover of the latest bodice-ripper who desires her and only her – an eager student in her school of sexual education. What _ever_ is she to do?”

I sat back, glowering at him. “I asked you here to talk me _down_ , not psych me out.”

Joe laughed. “I’m sorry, I am. But come on, you may be living every straight woman’s and gay man’s fantasy here.”

Huffing, I got off the couch, tossing the towel from around my hair at him. “Are you going to help me decide what to wear tonight, or do I have to call Louise?”

“I’ll help, I’ll help,” he droned, beating me to my closet. “Now let’s find something that’ll knock that poor bastard off his feet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I know that in a fic revolving around J&C fluffiness and smut there wasn't a whole lot of them together in this chapter, lol. But this one was bordering on 8,000 words so I decided to cut it in half. You can expect the next chapter (their date!) to be uploaded very soon!


	6. First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire and Jamie embark on their first real date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is! Our lovebirds on their date! :D

_Four Months Ago_

“Th’ usual, Sassenach?”

“Uh, thanks, but I’ll wait,” I said, distractedly.

Jamie stood there, watching the way I was bouncing my leg and glancing at the door every five seconds. “Ye alright, lass? Ye look like you’re expecting a team of ninjas tae come barging through th’ door any moment and cart ye away.”

“That wasn’t dramatic at all,” I teased him. “I’m fine. I’m just waiting for someone.”

An expression I couldn’t quite read flickered across his face before it was replaced with his characteristic joviality. “Ah…a date, ye mean?”

I smiled ruefully. “A _blind_ date. Louise set me up with her coworker, and I’m having serious second thoughts here.”

“Why?”

I shrugged. “Well for one thing, blind dates are notorious for being disasters. All I have to go on with this guy is Louise’s assurance that he’s good looking and not crazy. But honestly…I’m just not sure if I’m ready, you know? Everyone keeps saying how I ought to just jump back into the pool, so to speak but…”

“Sassenach,” Jamie broke in, leaning on the bar. “No one can decide if you’re ready but you, ye ken? I canna imagine that…what happened…would be easy tae just forget. And there’s no law that says ye even _have_ to be dating anyone at all.”

“Well that’s sort of what I thought but,” I sighed, dropping my head to rest in my hands. “I dunno.”

“Weel,” Jamie pushed himself back off the bar. “As ye’ve already got th’ date for tonight, might as well go through wi’ it. If nothing else, ye get free meal and drinks out of it, aye? And ye never know, ye might have fun.”

“I guess,” I said. “But what if he’s a weirdo? Or what if he’s nice but I’m just not ready after all?”

“Ye needn’t be scairt o’ that, Sassenach,” he said, smiling. “Ye’re perfectly safe, as long as you’re here. I’ll keep an eye on things, aye? From a distance. If things dinna feel right, if he’s a jerk, or you’re just no’ feeling it, you should uh…ask me for another drink. Then I’ll ken he needs tae go. Deal?”

“Deal,” I said, feeling better instantly. That was the main reason I told Louise to have Aaron meet me at Fraser’s Ridge, not only because I was comfortable there but also because I knew Jamie and the rest of his family and employees would look out for me. Maybe in didn’t quite fit into the _strong independent woman_ motif I liked to exhibit but in this day and age, a girl can’t be too careful.

“Claire?”

I spun around on the stool, coming face-to- _very_ good looking face with a slim, well-dressed man.

“Aaron?” I clarified, and hoped.

He smiled, dimples appearing on his cheeks. “Yeah! Hi! So nice to meet you…”

I glanced over at Jamie, who smirked back at me with one jump of his eyebrows.

“Nice to meet you, too,” I said, shaking his hand. “Louise has told me a lot of about you.”

“Same here, have you ordered anything yet?”

“No, I…”

Jamie reappeared opposite us, wiping a glass clean, he glanced over us briefly, as mere customers. “First time here, folks?”  


 

 

_Present Time_

If Joe had had his way, I would have been wearing the cheesy “ _slutty Highlander”_ costume I’d worn for Halloween several years ago in effort to annoy my Scottish friends. The “kilt” could barely serve as a bandana.

Instead, I settled on the green skirt Jamie had apparently “noticed” before, and a slim black top with a high neckline to counter the length of the skirt, but a cutout in the back and a bow tied behind my neck kept it from looking boring. Joe wouldn’t let me even _consider_ not wearing my lace-around 6-inch black heels, known affectionately as my ankle-breakers and almost never worn.

“At your height, you should just embrace that you can wear that shit and still be shorter than him,” Joe reasoned. “Besides, they make your legs look killer.”

I also made sure to wear much more appealing undergarments, and took a lot more care with my grooming habits than I had the night before.

I was ready a half hour early. Completely unheard of for me. But all that accomplished was to give me way too much extra time to sit and fret and come up with a thousand different ways I could screw all of this up.

A ridiculous part of me just wanted to race down to the pub, sit at the bar and pretend none of this had ever happened. That Jamie was still just my friend and confidant and erstwhile protector. It would be safe, and easy.

I was just straightening my bookshelf for the fifth time, and glaring at the wall clock that seemed to have been reading 6:45 for the past hour when there was a knock at the door.

I rolled my eyes and went to the door, expecting Joe or maybe Louise. I hadn’t given the poor woman much information yet, but she’d no doubt been talking to Joe (sans _certain_ details) and would be seeking the story from the horse’s mouth.

Whatever I had been about to say dried up into an embarrassing _peep_ when I swung open the door and it was neither Joe nor Louise.

“I know, I’m early,” Jamie said apologetically. “It wasn’a busy and…” he trailed off, looking me up and down. “Ye look…ye look beautiful, Sassenach.”

“I could say the same about you,” I said, giving him the same once (or twice) over. He was dressed in his traditional dark jeans, plaid shirt, and brown leather jacket, but I could tell he’d taken care with shaving and combing his hair back out of his face. And even from a couple feet away, he smelled _amazing_.

“Are ye ready?” he asked, holding out his arm in an old fashioned but utterly charming gesture.

And just like that, all my nerves and doubts flew out the window. Okay, maybe not _all_ of them, but all the ones that had previously been making me want to hide under my bed. “Ready,” I said firmly, grabbing my purse.

 

“Where are we going?” I asked him as we made our way to his truck.

“All your _other_ first dates are at the pub,” he said, and at my look, he grinned. “So I’m thinking _anywhere_ but a pub.”

I smiled at him as he opened the truck door for me and handed me in. “The _reason_ I kept taking dates there is because I love the pub, and I feel safe there. And that’s because of you, you know.”

He climbed into the driver’s seat, and I was struck for a moment at how even though the cab was very spacious, he filled that space almost entirely. I realized then that I’d never been in a car with him before. He looked almost strange there at the wheel, like he’d look more at home on horseback.

“Regardless,” he said. “I think it’d be better no’ tae have Murtagh, Angus, Rupert, and any number of your friends there tae watch us.”

“Quite right,” I agreed laughingly. “Speaking of, what did the boys say when you told them?”

I watched in admiration as Jamie’s face turned a becoming shade of scarlet. “Murtagh told them how we…erm…the way we left, ken? They’ve been ribbing me constantly since. But they were happy for me. I uh…I told them…about, ye know. Last night.” he glanced at me uncertainly. “I hope that’s okay.”

“Of course,” I assured him. “I assumed you would.”

“It’s doesn’a bother you? I mean…I wouldn’a tell them anything verra _personal_ about you. I just…I couldn’a keep it in.”

I reached over and grabbed one of his hands where he was gripping the steering wheel a bit too tightly. I brought it to my lap and squeezed it. “Jamie, it’s perfectly fine to want to talk about it with your friends, and your cousins. I uh…” I grimaced, hoping against hope that I wasn’t about to anger him not ten minutes into our date. “Since you mention it…I have to confess something to you.”

He gave me a quick, concerned glance before focusing his eyes back on the road.

“I called Joe to come over today,” I said. “I wanted to talk to him about…you know.”

He nodded. “Aye, that’s alright. I did th’ same.”

“I…I told him, Jamie. That it’s…that it _was_ your first time. I’m sorry! I had a tiny panic moment after you left and I just needed to talk to him. He _won’t_ talk to anyone about it, not even his fiancé. I swear. I feel like I betrayed your privacy, though.”

I thought he looked uncomfortable for a moment, but then his expression cleared, and he smiled at me. “Joe is your best friend. If ye trust him enough tae let him into _your_ private life, then he must have earned it. I imagine ye felt much the way I did when I left…” he chuckled. “Which is why I immediately called John. Besides, my virginity was never really a secret.”

“I still should have asked you if it was okay, first,” I said. “So what did John have to say?”

“Fina-fucking-ly, were his exactly words.”

I laughed. “Funny, Joe said pretty much the same thing.”

We were silent a moment, and I even though I was making every effort not to compare Jamie to Frank, I couldn’t help but think about how comfortable our silences were. In the seven whole years I was with Frank, I couldn’t think of a single time that we just sat in easy silence. If we weren’t talking, we were either watching TV or having sex. Any actual moments of wordlessness were because we were angry with each other. Lapses in conversation _had_ to be filled with something, even if it was leaving the room. I didn’t know why that was, but I also didn’t think I ever would have realized it without first realizing that I could sit with Jamie and be perfectly content in his company alone.

After a time though, he did speak, a bit hesitantly. “Sassenach? Ye said ye had a…moment of panic, when ye called Joe. Can I ask…why th’ panic? Was it something I did?”

I wanted to go _‘aww’_ at his fretful tone, but I didn’t think he’d appreciate that, so I refrained. “Of course not, Jamie. It was _nothing_ you did. I guess I was just a little overwhelmed with how everything had changed between us in such a short amount of time.”

“I understand,” he said. “I know ye said ye didn’a need to slow down…but, maybe we should.”

My heart sank, and I looked away from him to focus on the passing scenery. “You’re having second thoughts,” I stated, not sure if I should feel disappointed or relieved.

“No!” he said quickly. “That…that’s not what I meant! I just mean…we’ve gone about this a wee bit backwards, didn’t we? Even in this day and age, don’t most couples start with a few dates before taking that…erm…next step? I just thought maybe we should take some time tae do things _proper_.”

I looked up at him from beneath my eyelashes, but he was keeping his own firmly on the road. “Is this your charming way of suggesting we should hold off on sex?”

Jamie’s face reddened, and he grimaced, as though the idea didn’t exactly appeal. But before he could answer, we were arriving at our destination.

“Where are we?” I asked, not recognizing the large, nondescript building. “Is this a restaurant?”

“Aye,” he said, leaping out of the car and jogging to my side while I was still distracted in order to open my door for me. I smiled again at his gallantry and took his proffered hand. “It used to be a warehouse at one point,” he explained. “I ken it doesn’a look like much from this side but…just wait, come on.”

“I trust you,” I said, laughing as he pulled me excitedly along like a little boy unable to wait to show off a secret fort.

We followed a gravel pathway around the hulking white building, and I realized that I could hear waves. When we turned a corner, I had to stop and blink in surprise as my mind came to terms with the incredible change.

The building sat right at the edge of a cliff overlooking the ocean, the full moon casting a soft blue glow over the water below. The area close to the warehouse was dotted with tables, and illuminated by white fairy lights and paper lanterns. Heaters placed here and there kept away the chill from the sea air, along with a sizable bonfire in the middle of it all.

There was a small stage where a band played, and a few couples were dancing near the fire, while others wandered to the edge of the cliff where only a low fence was there to keep them from toppling over. I couldn’t help but wonder how safe that could be, considering there was also a full bar.

“This is amazing,” I breathed. “How have I never heard of this place?”

“One o’ th’ Highland’s best kept secrets,” Jamie said, chuckling. “It’s mostly locals who come here.”

We were seated by a smiling hostess in between the fire and the cliff, so we were able to enjoy the warmth as well as the view.

“The fish stew is tae die for,” Jamie said after we’d ordered a bottle of wine. “Or th’ halibut.”

“Everything sounds delicious,” I said, looking over the menu. “Do you come here often?”

He quirked a grin at me. “If ye mean do I take all th’ many dates ye ken fine well I don’t have here, then no. But I’ve been coming here since I was a teenager.”

The waiter returned with our wine and took our orders, (I settled on the halibut, Jamie got the stew,) I folded my hands in front of me on the table and gave him a long look. “Now, about what we were talking about in the truck…”

Jamie flushed again, though the glow of the oil lamp on our table disguised it some.

“Jamie,” I said seriously. “You’ve asked me a couple times now if I wanted to slow down. You know that it’s okay if _you_ need to take a step back, right? I’m not going to be angry or anything.”

I held my breath though, feeling a little worried that maybe he really was having second thoughts about all of this.

“It’s no’ that,” he said, seeming frustrated with himself. He looked at me, and I felt my heart give an odd _thump_ at the look in his eyes. “I like ye, Claire. I think ye ken that’s an understatement but…I just want to do this _right_.”

Smiling, I reached across the table to grab his hand. “I like you, too, Jamie,” and he was right, the words did fall woefully short. “But there’s no right or wrong way to do things. All that matters is that it feels right for _us_.”

I bit my lip, mustering the fortitude to ask my next question calmly. “Do you regret last night?”

Jamie’s eyes widened almost comically. “ _Dhia_ , no! No, Claire…I don’t regret a single moment of it,” I smiled in relief, and he shrugged ruefully. “I guess I’m dinna want the um… _physical_ aspect of things to be _all_ there is. Does that make sense?”

I squeezed his hand, then smiled politely at the waiter who brought us our meals. His concerns weren’t unfounded, if perhaps a little antiquated. In the decade that I’d been sexually active, it felt like just a matter of course that sex and dating went hand in hand. It sometimes _did_ feel like all there was in a relationship. Hell, even as long as I was with Frank, I could easily admit that if the sex hadn’t been good, we never would have stayed together. There would have been nothing really there to _keep_ us together. And that sounded sad, if I thought about it.

But I didn’t feel like that with Jamie. I wanted to be around him, to get to know him better. As much as I’d enjoyed our night together (and I _did_ enjoy it!) it actually came second to just the sheer pleasure of spending time with him.

However, I _liked_ sex. A lot. So I just hoped that I could be as patient as he seemed to want me to be.

“I don’t want that either,” I told him softly. “But neither do I think we’re in danger of that. But whatever you want to do Jamie, is fine with me. I’ll be ready when you are.”

Jamie’s shoulders relaxed, and it was only in that moment that I realized that he’d been tense until then.

Dinner was delicious, but I ate quickly, waiting for Jamie to set down his fork before snatching at his hand and yanking him to his feet.

“What are ye doing?” he asked, but his grin told me that he was willing to go wherever I led him.

“Dance with me!” I commanded, pulling him nearer the bonfire where the others were.

He screwed his facial features up. “I dinna dance much, Sassenach. Don’t have much ear for music at all.”

I chuckled. “I know. I’ve heard your _rousing_ rendition of Loch Lomond at closing time. But you don’t need to be able sing to move your feet to the rhythm. Come on.”

Though his ears were red, Jamie obligingly swayed to the upbeat music, and I found he _could_ keep rhythm, but kept his feet firmly planted on the ground.

“Oh come _on_ ,” I needled, pulling on his shirt. “You’re not dancing, you’re see-sawing.”

Jamie laughed. “I told ye! I’m no’ good at this!”

“Because you’re too tense,” I said, pulling his shirt again, this time untucking it from his jeans, enjoying the brief glimpse of toned stomach I was afforded. “Loosen up. No one here cares if you’re not dance battle ready,” I raked my fingers through his hair, mussing it up, then did it again just for fun. “Now, dance with me, Jamie Fraser.”

There was a twinkle in Jamie’s eyes as he finally began to move, and the reason for that quickly became apparent when he raised loose fists to chest, bobbing his shoulders in time to his head in the single most _middle-aged white dad at a wedding_ dance I’d ever seen.

He really cut loose after that, and I wasn’t even able to keep up for the way I was laughing. People were starting to stare, but I didn’t give a rat’s ass about it. Neither did Jamie, as he dropped to his knees, playing air-guitar.

“Oh God,” I wheezed, gasping for breath as I doubled over with laughter. “I regret everything about this!”

The band must have decided to show mercy on the other poor diners by switching to a slow song, and this time Jamie easily fell into a dance with me - this time holding me in his arms.

“Idiot,” I said, infusing the word with so much affection it couldn’t be mistaken for anything but an endearment.

“And yet ye continue to want to be seen wi’ me,” he said, pulling me closer so that our bodies were pressed together. “Ye should see me at Hogmanay after a few glasses of Jenny’s special punch.”

A warmth infused me at his words, imagining a warm family holiday at Lallybroch. It would be a far cry from the quiet ones I’d shared with Uncle Lamb and Frank. But I bit my lip so I wouldn’t say that aloud, since it hadn’t exactly been an invitation.

“Sounds like a sight I’d like to see,” I said instead.

We continued to rock back and forth, not able to do much actual dancing as close together as we were, not that I was complaining. Jamie’s head dropped down so that his forehead rested on mine, and suddenly all I could see, smell, and _feel_ was Jamie.

The song was an old one sung in Gaelic, one that I vaguely recognized but didn’t understand any of the lyrics. But the melody was soft and hopeful, and Jamie was murmuring tunelessly along, making me wonder what the words meant.

By the time the song ended we’d all but stopped moving, and parted reluctantly with shy smiles.

When we returned to our table, there was a bowl of strawberries waiting for us, along with whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and little cubes of cheesecake.

“What, are you a magician?” I asked him teasingly. I wanted to make a joke about trying to seduce me right after the talk about taking things slow, but I decided last second not to.

He chuckled. “I told ye, been coming here a long time,” he picked up a little card leaning against the bowl. “Compliments o’ th’ chef. Says here th’ waiters have all been in the kitchen talking about the Fraser’s boy’s date…I think this is a congratulations, of sorts.”

“Well are you going to share, or…”

Jamie chuckled and dipped one of the strawberries in the chocolate before offering it to me. I could tell he was expecting me to take it with my fingers, but instead I leaned over the small table and took a bite with him still holding it. I grinned at his slack-jawed expression, and he shook himself out of it before popping the rest of the berry into his mouth and offered me some of the cheesecake.

We polished off the dessert in no time, going back and forth between feeding bites to one another and stuffing our own faces. At least he didn’t seem to be the type to be put off by my substantial appetite, but then again he’d been around me in the pub enough to see me put away enormous burgers, entire baskets of fries, and several rounds of hot wings on many occasions.

After we ate we admired the view off the cliff, standing close, Jamie’s coat around my shoulders, and the backs of our hands brushed against each other every now and then. After the second time that I wondered if he was doing it on purpose, one large thumb questioningly grazing my skin, I laced our fingers together, his preternaturally warm palm a rather pleasant compliment to my own chilly one.

I mentally rolled my eyes at myself. What was wrong with me? I was getting a fluttery stomach and a face reddened from more than just the cold, all because a boy was holding my hand. The one, chaste contact making me have to bite my lips to keep from giggling like a lovestruck teenager, no matter that those same callused hands had touched every single inch of me scarcely twelve hours before.

By God, Jamie was right. We’d gone out of order. We’d known one another as friends for years. And we now knew each other biblically. What we hadn’t yet worked on was the task of figuring things out as a couple.

I looked up at Jamie’s face, the vibrant color of his hair mellowed by the moonlight. We’d been tip-toeing around labeling what we were, which was normal for two people who had just started dating. But I suddenly felt that it was important that he knew.

“You know, I’m in this,” I said quietly, hoping he knew what I meant without having to elaborate.

From the blank look on his face, he didn’t, so I continued.

“Whatever…this is. I’m in. I want this, Jamie. I can’t say it’ll be easy, because quite frankly, I feel like I’m as new at this as you are…for different reasons. I can be distant when I’m stressed, and sometimes I let work take priority over everything else, including but not limited to sleep, food, and spending time with people. And trust is going to be something I’ll need to work at.”

Jamie’s face melted into a soft, understanding smile, and it almost frustrated me how easily accepting he was. “I keep odd hours,” he said. “The life of running a pub often wars with my deep-seated farming instinct to wake wi’ the sun. I’ve a temper, but I let it out through running, horseback riding, or rarely, finding an inanimate object to hit. But I can swear tae ye, I’d never in a million years raise a hand to ye. As furious as my sister has made me through th’ years, it never even crossed my mind tae harm her…even when we were bairns and her answer tae getting back at me was tae kick me in th’ balls. And then…we both know about my shortcomings when it comes to erm…experience.”

“I’ll stop you right there,” I said, holding up my free hand. “We’re just going to go ahead and clear this up…but as far as I can tell, you have no shortcomings in _that_ department. Trust me.”

Even in the dim light, I could see Jamie’s face darken as he smiled bashfully, and _Lord_ it was all I could do not to just drag him to the car and back to my apartment…or maybe just to the shadows of those rocks over there…

We ended up closing up the place, the hostess giving us a knowing look as we finally headed out.

I thought it might take some getting used to, having Jamie leap to open doors for me. With anyone else I thought my first instinct might have been to tease them and insist I was perfectly capable of opening my own doors…but with Jamie there was no pretense with it. I somehow knew that it wasn’t a form of showing off or asserting his masculinity, and I suspected that it wasn’t a habit that would taper off as time went on. It was just the way he was raised, by a loving, old fashioned family.

We walked as slowly as possible to my door, but inevitably we made it there, and were standing facing one another, both wondering how this night would – or should – end.

“I’m torn between not wanting to seem pushy by inviting you in, and being afraid I’ll make you think you’re unwelcome if I don’t,” I said honestly.

He chuckled. “I ken what ye mean. I’m hav’n a bit of a debate in myself, as well. Several different parts o’ me are arguing wi’ each other.”

“ _Or_ …I could invite you in for a drink, and we could simply _have_ that drink…”

He smiled. “Sassenach…it’s after midnight. Don’t ye have work in th’ morning?”

“Shit, you’re right,” I moaned. “I have to be up in…” I looked at my phone. “Four hours. “

“I shouldn’a kept ye out so late,” he said apologetically.

“It was worth it,” I said. “In that case, I suppose this is goodnight.”

“S’pose it is. Goodnight, Sassenach. I’ll talk t’ye tomorrow?”

I nodded, and we paused, staring at one another like a couple of idiots. I wasn’t sure which one of us moved first – maybe we did at the same time. But then we were kissing. Gently at first, and then less gently, until his hands were running up and down my back, each sweep bringing them closer to my arse, my hands were in his hair, and our tongues were becoming even more acquainted.

By the time we finally separated, we were both breathing heavily, and I officially had three hours and forty eight minutes before I had to be up.

“Goodnight,” I said again.

“Goodnight.”

Sighing at my own foolishness, I gave him one more quick, hard kiss, and went inside before I could be tempted to give up my _entire_ night’s sleep. I stood in front of my door, listening for his retreating footsteps that didn’t happen for a solid thirty seconds. When they did, there was a scraping and stumbling sound followed by a hissed curse that made me think he’d tripped over my neighbor’s potted plant.

All in all, a pretty great first (official) date. But even as I crawled gratefully into bed, grinning stupidly to myself, I was wishing sorely that there were a strong pair of arms around me.


End file.
